Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

Memorial Celebration in Halifax

2006-10-27T11:33:00.000-03:00

Family and friends of Iain are invited to an informal memorial celebration taking place in Halifax. The celebration will be held in the Computer Science Atrium at Dalhousie University (6050 University Avenue), on Saturday November 4th, beginning at 6pm and continuing throughout the evening. There will be a cash bar as well as sound equipment should anyone wish to say a few words or play a few songs. All proceeds from the bar as well as any donations will be given to the Canadian Cancer Society on Iain's behalf.

As always, I am thankful for the love and support everyone has shown us through the last year and a half. I hope to see you all on November 4th.

Kathryn

Is the KISS Army still recruiting?

2006-08-23T12:24:00.000-03:00

KISS is a band I've basically ignored for most of my life. After listening to some recent downloads (live versions of "Deuce" and "Strutter" from the album Alive!), I've come to the conclusion that I'd like to get into some early KISS stuff. It's pretty easy to see why nearly every American teenager in the 1970's was nutso over these guys.

On the completely opposite end of the musical spectrum, the Method Man's 1994 album Tical is "mad dope", to use the parlance of our times. I've just recently rediscovered this gem. Now if you excuse me, I'm off to go listen to Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers). R.I.P. O.D.B..

Free At Last, Free At Last

2006-08-22T15:02:00.000-03:00

So Friday I made my escape from the hospital, and I'm home sweet home again. The transplant went well, and things are progressing nicely. I'm just glad to be home, with Kathryn and my Gamecube and my precious digital cable. I think I was going through Food Network withdrawal in there. Anyways, just wanted to let people know that I made it through the initial transplant stage and I'm doing well. More updates later.

Stem cells, give me your delicous stem cells...

2006-07-26T07:39:00.000-03:00

So today I'm getting admitted into the hospital to get my pre-transplant chemo. The actual transplant is on August 3rd. There's not much else to say really, I'm just really anxious to get this whole thing started. For a few weeks after the transplant I'll probably be confined to my hospital room, so there probably won't be any updates on here for a while, but as soon as I'm able to I'll give everybody the scoop on how the transplant went. Wish me luck.

Long time, no blog...

2006-07-06T05:57:00.000-03:00

I'm back! I just spent the last couple of weeks cruising around the Mediterranean in my yacht with my good friends David Carradine and William Shatner, so I didn't have any access to email. Sorry. I wanted to make some quick emails from that hotel in Monaco, but Shatner insisted on going camel racing that day. Once he gets on a kick like that, there's no changing his mind. Anywhoo, on to some quick and dirty updates:

- I am out of the hospital and fully moved into my new place with Kathryn. It's a sweet little pad. I am defintely "movin' on up", as the saying goes. A big thanks to all of you who helped us with the move. The checks are in the mail, I swear.

- Depending on my blood counts and whatnot, it looks like I'll be heading to bone marrow transplant land sometime around the end of the month.

- My prediction for the world cup: Italy 1, France 0. Take that to the bank, baby.

Back in la casa médica...

2006-06-22T13:04:00.000-03:00

So I'm back in the hospital, undergoing Part B of my new chemo regimen. I should be back out sometime next week, just in time to not help my girlfriend and her small army of makeshift movers settle into our new apartment. I'll be helping in spirit though, I can assure you...

Things are going alright I suppose. I can expect my counts to drop pretty severely from this chemo, but that is nothing new to me. Hopefully I'll recover from it quickly so that we can get moving on the bone marrow transplant.

A quick bit of selfish griping before I get back to my deluxe suite: How does Capital Health have the gall to call today's lunch chicken salad? I'm sorry, but a few bits of mystery chicken meat drenched in mayonaisse-type product does not a salad make, says I. It's enough to make one beg for the chicken crock pot...

Gimme that sweet. sweet marrow...

2006-06-07T20:52:00.000-03:00

So the word is in: Brendan, my fraternal twin and only sibling, is a match. Meaning that sometime in the near future, I'm going to be stealing his bone marrow for my own selfish purposes. Exciting stuff. I'm seeing my doctor(s) tomorrow, so hopefully they will have some sort of gameplan in place, and when I find out the plan, I'll let the Internet know.

A 1 in 4 chance. I should start playing the fucking lottery.

Vomities, Fluids, and Well Wishes From Famous People

2006-06-04T07:27:00.000-03:00

A quick update on my situation:

Since I've escaped from 8A, I have been going into the Medical Day unit for various treatments. I've had some good days (I'm eating well, hydrated, feeling relatively okay), and some bad days (dehydrated, nauseous, headachey, physically drained), which is pretty standard for the course. The last few days I've been feeling good, getting as much fluids and food into me as possible. Hopefelly this week I'll learn a bit more about my bone marrow transplant. Here's to hoping my brother is a match.

Also, I have a big thank you to go out to a Mr. Rob Currie. Rob is a Dal law prof who also has played with the popular Maritime folk outfut The Cornerboys. He is also a frequent customer at the coffee shop my girlfriend is working at. Somehow, Mr. Currie was able pull some strings and asked a couple of members of The Pogues, James Fearnley, and Jem Finer, to send a sick fan some well-wishes, which I received this weekend. This was a great surprise birthday present (it was yesterday, I'm 27), and I appreciate Rob for going to the trouble of doing this for someone he hasn't even met before. Thanks also to James and Jem for their messages - you both have instantly gave me like TONS of scene cred points for those. See if you can convince the reformed Pogues to play Halifax in the future.

Live From 8A

2006-05-28T19:16:00.000-03:00

Short post. Here's the skinny:

- Still in the hospital. Getting chemo. Feeling okay, for the most part. The ham was good tonight. Tomorrow night is turkey and mashed. Right on.

- I may be out on a brief escape for a few days before they haul my ass back in here, but we'll see.

- I miss digital cable. And my Gamecube. Zelda is calling me.

- Thanks for all the well wishes. They will not be forgetten.

Lions, and tigers, and CAT scans, oh my!

2006-05-19T07:48:00.000-03:00

Yesterday I had my CAT scan, as well as a few other surprises. Some notes:

- Gastrografin should be renamed "ASStrografin", because that is exactly what it tastes like.
- When the CAT scan machine says to you (yes, the machine talks) "DO NOT SWALLOW", you should listen. Seriously.
- Hospital gowns are quite possibly the most unflattering garments in the world.
- They surprised me yesterday by taking a bone marrow sample from my hip. And yes, that is every bit as enjoyable as it sounds.

I'm feeling okay, and I'm meeting again with my doctor on Tuesday to go over some of the preliminary results. Things seem to be moving fast, so that is good.

On the non-cancer front, today is mine and Kathryn's one-year anniversary. We're going out for Thai food and then going to see The Da Vinci Code. This movie is going to be HUGE. I talked to 3 different people in the hospital yesterday who had just started reading the book, in preparation for going to see the movie.

Also, tomorrow's plans include going to this place. I'm going to try to sneak home a lemur as a pet.

The Lymphoma Report

2006-05-17T08:30:00.000-03:00

So it looks like to road to my recovery just got a little bit bumpier...

Last week, my hematologist sent me in for a chest x-ray. My bloodcounts were not coming up as fast as he thought they should have been, so he wanted to take an x-ray to see if anything was going on in there. Basically, the mass that I had in my chest when I was first diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic lymphoma has returned, or at least he thinks so. X-rays are not very conclusive, so I am going in for a CAT scan tomorrow, and if the scan does indeed confirm that the mass is coming from the same systems as before, and this is indeed a relapse, then I will be referred to the Bone Marrow Transfer clinic.

To be quite honest, the possiblity of facing more intense chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant is pretty scary, but this is not entirely a surprise. I knew that my particular form of lymphoma is very aggressive, so the possiblity of relapse was very real. I will do my best to keep everybody updated on my status as it changes. If I do get referred to the transplant department, I'm sure that it will not be long before I'm going in for consultations with them.

Despite the fact that this is really shitty news and kind of a setback, I am still optimistic. If my aggressive cancer needs an aggressive treatment like a bone marrow transplant, so be it. I'd go in for 100 bone marrow transplants if I had to. This is merely a minor setback. I'm feeling fine, and I know that if I was strong enough to get this far in my treatment, I can get through this next phase. CANCER AIN'T SHIT. This here bout is going into the 15th round, and I'm just getting my second wind. I'm going knock out this disease like Rocky knocked out Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. Believe it.

Anniversary Week

2006-05-15T08:52:00.000-03:00

This Thursday is the 2-year annivesary of this here blog. Woopie-di-doo da day.

This Friday is Kathryn and I's (Kathryn and mine?) 1-year anniversary. Huzzah!

And today is the anniversary of the founding of Las Vegas, Nevada. Wayne Newton must be STOKED today.

I could go for a Wii right about now...

2006-05-12T08:17:00.000-03:00

The Nintendo Wii

This thing is now at the top of my Me Wantee list.

Up yours, Logitech

2006-05-11T13:41:00.000-03:00

Check out the fun email I sent to Logitech today:

To whom it may concern:

I work as a PC support technician here in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Recently, in the course of my daily work activities, I have had to setup and install several Logitech optical mice, as well as a wireless mouse-keyboard combination. My concern does not lie with how these products function, as they seem to work as good as any other peripheral input devices. My concern also does not lie with the installation of said products (although, I have always wondered why modern mice and keyboards come with installation software that is upwards of 40 MB – has so much functionality been added to these devices that such bloated software is actually needed). My concern here lies with the PACKAGING of said products.
One would think that the process of opening up the packaging on a mouse should be one of the simpler tasks in one’s day. After experiencing Logitech’s packaging solutions, I beg to differ. Trying to get at the hardware and software inside of these plastic and cardboard cocoons can best be described by the following words: “frustrating”, “difficult”, “dangerous”.
In one case, I initially tried to cut into the package with scissors. The handle of this pair of scissors broke with the amount of force I was using. I tried again with some sturdier scissors, and made a little bit of headway into the package. With the assistance of some needle-nose pliers and some good old fashioned sweat and elbow-grease, I was able to finally wrest the mouse free from its plastic prison (after slicing my knuckle on the jagged edge of the ripped plastic). All of this was taking place at the user’s desk, and after watching my debacle, she relayed a story to me about how her son was trying to open the package for the exact same mouse at home, and he too struggled for about 15 minutes and ended up slicing his hand as well. After learning that I am not the only person to experience such difficulty, I decided to write this letter.
I have never written a letter such as this before, but my experiences over the past few days have forced me to voice my opinion. I am an able bodied 26 year old man, and I can barely open these packages without causing myself bodily harm (or at least some minor mental stress). Imagine what would happen if an 80 year old grandmother received a new wireless mouse for her computer and had to attempt to open one of your packages. Without getting into wild hypotheticals, I think that the situation could get fairly ugly in a hurry.
I realize that your sturdy packaging is probably a great deterrent to thieves who might try to open the packing right there in the store, but it is also extremely frustrating to the user who has legally purchased your product and expects to be able to remove the item from its box with a minimum of effort.

Sincerely,
A troubled technician.

Adventures In The $3.99 Bin

2006-05-10T07:41:00.000-03:00

Check out the awesome VHS movies I picked up over the weekend:

A Fistful Of Dollars: Clint Eastwood, Sergio Leone, westerns, gunfights... What more do you want?

Psycho: Psycho is essentially an uplifting tale of a boy who loves his mother. It's the feel-good hit of the summer.

And finally, the pièce de résistance,

Death Race 2000: What can you say about a movie that has this as its tagline: "In The Year 2000 Hit And Run Driving Is No Longer A Felony. It's The National Sport!"? This is a classic, and is a must have for anybody who is into David Carradine, Roger Corman, or death racing. Although, if you are into death racing, may I suggest that you enter into some kind of counselling first before seeing this movie.

When I Say "Windom", You Say...

2006-05-05T15:21:00.000-03:00

Windom Earle on MySpace.

You'll get my home ultrasound machine all right - once you pry it from my cold, dead hands...

2006-05-04T12:35:00.000-03:00

A bill has been introduced into the California legislature that would ban the sale of ultrasound machines to anyone other than licensed medical professionals, based on the news that Tom Cruise had purchased one to monitor Katie Holmes' pregnancy.

This is somewhat interesting news, I suppose. What intrigues me most is the fact that Tom Cruise actually bought himself an ultrasound machine. Has it come to the point that celebrities have to buy their own medical equipment, rather than going into the hospital like the rest of us? Why doesn't Tom just go ahead and buy himself an entire medical clinic? Well, this may be a reason why he wouldn't do such a thing. Oh, that Tom, he puts the "crazy" back in "crazy rich".

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down. Until tomorrow, I'll just keep movin' on.

2006-05-03T08:45:00.000-03:00

The Great Apartment Hunt of 2006 is over. Are we fast, or what? As of July 1, Kathryn and I will officially be residents of 1271 Church Street. I've made a little map that has tracked my movements since I've moved to Halifax. The red dots represent the various places I've lived, and the red star represents where I will be moving to. As you can see, I am moving ever closer to my goal: the island circled in red. This is the future site of my castle/fallout shelter/party grotto/hotel/casino/dude ranch. Stayed tuned for that one.

Yes, There Are Comics Out There That Have Yet To Be Turned Into Films

2006-05-02T16:09:00.000-03:00

Jon Favreau is going to develop and direct the film adaption of "Iron Man".

Iron Man was one of my favorite comic characters, so this is pretty exciting for me. Now I'm not usually a betting man, but I'd consider wagering a few sheckles that Favreau puts Vince Vaughn in the movie.

Who's the big winner here tonight at Avengers HQ? Who? Iron Man's the big winner, that's who.

Movin' On Up, To The Eastside...

2006-05-02T07:47:00.000-03:00

The Great Apartment Hunt of 2006 has now begun in earnest. By the end of the summer, I should be out of my little Hobbit hole and in a new place with Kathryn. I'd say that I'd miss my current abode, but how much can you miss a cramped basement apartment with low ceilings, that houses a veritable army of giant mutant spiders and silverfish? Actually it's not all that bad, and my landlady is by far the best person I've ever rented from, but by August or September, I'm sure I'll be glad to be getting into a new place. Better start looking at that IKEA catalogue right away, I suppose.

The Weekend Warrior

2006-05-01T08:26:00.000-03:00

I love it when you get a full weekend full of fun. Here's to hoping we have some more nice weather on upcoming weekends.

Friday:
I had some people over at my little hovel for some pre-birthday celebrations for Kathryn. We had party hats, party favours, and balloons. Then we went out to Stage Nine and saw Juan Love, The Sleepless Nights, and Windom Earle. Not a shabby way to start off the weekend, I do say.

Saturday:
Kathryn and I decided to spend a day out at the Bayer's Lake Business Park, and it was quite the day. We went to the pet store (parrots are LOUD and ANNOYING), stopped in a few shops, and some Chinese buffet at The Dragon King Buffet, then went to The Putting Edge for some glow-in-the-dark mini-golf. I was +3 over par, and Kathryn was +5 over par. Nuff said.

Sunday:
Sunday started with a nice lunch at The Italian Market in the North End, then a stroll down to Quinpool. After some McDonald's fries (I was pretty hungry today, as you will see), we arrived back home, only to leave home a few hours later to go to a BBQ. After a couple of sausages and a burger, Kathryn, Mike, Matt, and I rented a fantastic film called The Dukes Of Hazard. This film will change your life. You will learn, laugh, love, and grow watching this film. Kurosawa was a hack. And so on. Also, I stopped in a local convenience store and found an interesting little item in the frozen food section: McCain's Frozen Poutine. That's right folks: instant, microwavable poutine, fries, gravy, cheese curds and all. I haven't tried it yet, but it intrigued me so much that I had to buy. Expect a review on this exciting new product any day now.

I'm More Stoked Than Kirstie Alley At An All You Can Eat Buffet

2006-04-28T10:48:00.000-03:00

Check out this teaser trailer for the upcoming "Strangers With Candy" movie on YouTube. You have no idea how badly I want to see this.

In other news, Kathryn's birthday is tomorrow. Happy 23rd! You're steadily marching along to your mid-20s. Then 30 is not too far away, and by that time 40 is just around the corner, then the big 5-0,...

Youth, like the flavour of Hubba Bubba gum, is fleeting.

The In Sound From Way Out

2006-04-27T11:22:00.000-03:00

Check out this website for Jack White's new band: The Raconteurs. Techie nerds will love it because, of the site's interesting web design, while music fans will love it because there are two tracks in their Media section off of their upcoming album (May 15). Both songs sound pretty good, and if the rest of the band's material sounds anything like this, I think that I'm going to like this band.

Bank Robbery Rule #57: Get As Far Away From The Scene As Possible

2006-04-26T14:41:00.000-03:00

I'm no expert, but I'm guessing that stopping a few blocks away from the scene of the crime, sitting down on sidewalk, and trying to wipe dye off of yourself is probably the last thing you want to do after pulling off a bank heist.

Taxis, Germans, and Shitty House Music

2006-04-26T07:53:00.000-03:00

I had the strangest cab ride yesterday. It was this young German guy, with bleach blond hair, these futuristic Matrix-style sunglasses, and this weird (but obviously quite expensive) leather bomber jacket. He was blasting some sort of bizarro Eurotrash techno/house/rave club music, and I do mean blasting. I felt like I was partying in Ibiza or something. Anyways, Dieter (I don't actually know the dude's name, but Dieter is a good German name, so there you go) was yakking away on his super-fancy cell phone with a friend the entire trip as well, laughing hysterically and talking in German, as Germans are wont to do. He was probably discussing the latest Kraftwerk album and complaining about how the clubs here in Canada are nowhere near as good as they are Europe (or so I would like to believe).

Did you ever see that Simpson's episode where Bart finds out that Grandpa was a member of the Flying Hellfish in WWII, and they end up finding out that the Hellfish treasure is really just artwork stolen from a German castle, and at the end of the episode the rightful German heir to those paintings meets them on the beach and takes them back and then yells, "Hey fun boys, get a room!", as he is driving off in his sports car while blasting techno music? That is what this cab driver reminded me of.

I love and hate taxis for this reason. You meet such strange characters driving in cabs. Some of them are harmless weirdos, like Dieter the Raver, or the old man who drove me home from work once and went on and on about his drinking escapades down at the Legion. However, sometimes you can get a real nutter as a driver, like the guy who was driving myself and a few friends to a bar one night and was going on about how he used to be a roadie for Alice Cooper back in the 70's (and the entire time he was talking he was looking at us in backseat, instead of looking at the road), swerving in and out of the downtown traffic like a rally driver.

Top 5 Fictional Cabbies:

Travis Bickle - Robert DeNiro's character from Taxi Driver. An obvious choice.
Samson - This was the character Mr. T played in the American classic D.C. Cab. I pity the foo' who wouldn't want Mr. T as a cab driver.
The ghost cab driver from the end of Ghostbusters - I always appreciated the fact that even though this guy was dead, the minute he is able to return from the afterlife he goes back to his old job driving a taxi. That is work ethic and dedication, people.
John Winger - This was Bill Murray's character from the great movie Stripes. In one of the best "quitting my job" scenes ever, he stops his cab (with his fare in the backseat) in the middle of rush hour on the Brooklyn Bridge and just walks off. We all secretly wish that we could quit a job with that much style and gumption.
Tie: The cast of Taxi - I couldn't pick just one. Christopher Lloyd as the wacky "Reverend Jim Ignatowski", Judd Hirsch as the wise "Alex Reiger", and of course, who could forget, the incomparable Mr. Tony Danza. "Hold me closer, Tony Danza..."

Current Obsessions

2006-04-25T08:11:00.000-03:00

Movie: Thank You For Smoking - This movie was fantastic. Go see it. Right now.

TV: Food Jammers - If you put McGuyver and Julia Childs in a blender, this is what you would end up with.

Video games: Nintendo Gamecube - This thing is just a little black box of fun. This game in particular is probably going to monopolize my free time for a good while.

Food: The new Doritos flavour - Everytime a new flavour of Doritos comes out it's like Christmas to me. I think it's called "Sweet Hot Red Chili" or some such nonsense. I'm still waiting for Doritos to put out a bad flavour (heck, even Doritos Ketchup weren't too bad).

Comedy: Patton Oswalt - If any of you out there get a chance to see his new DVD, do it. You'll laugh till' you plotz.

Plumbers, and turtles, and mushrooms, oh my!

2006-04-18T08:06:00.000-03:00

We're having a Mario Kart party at my place in the near future. Kathryn has dibs on Yoshi. That is all.

Grandma Likes To Kick Out The Jams!

2006-04-17T15:06:00.000-03:00

Some poor soul found my blog last week by entering the following search string into a search engine:

"songs to put on a cd for grandma sad songs"

I doubt he or she found what they were looking for, but in case this ever happens again, I'll be ready. Here are my song selections for "A CD For Grandma".

Track 1: Journey - "Don't Stop Believin'"
Maybe Grandma is living just to find emotion. Maybe she's payin' anything to roll the dice, just one more time. Maybe she used to be a groupie and banged Steve Perry. Either way, a little Journey never hurt nobody, no way, no how.

Track 2: The Glenn Miller Orchestra - "Chattanooga Choo Choo"
Nothing will perk Grandma up more than a song that will stir up memories of the good ole days, when men were men, women were women, and the only things worth worrying about were Nazis, Commies, and the atomic bomb.

Track 3: Pulp - "Help The Aged"
Grandma will appreciate the fact that some of us youngsters still show the elderly a little bit of respect.

Track 4-10: Misc.
If Grandma is Italian, use any songs by Dean Martin and/or Frank Sinatra.
If Grandma is Irish, get some Irish tenors on there. "Danny Boy" is a must.
If Grandma is African-Canadian, some Billie Holiday or Ella Fitzgerald would be nice.
If Grandma is Polish, load up on polkas.
If Grandma is German, get some nice brass band music (although you should try to avoid any songs with the word "Putsch" in it)

Track 11: Li'l Jon - "Get Crunk"
Because sometimes, Granny just wants to get all CRUNK up in this beeatch! What?! Okayeee! Yeah, YEEAHHH!

U.S. Teacher Fakes Cancer, Gets Busted

2006-04-13T11:33:00.000-03:00

Let me repeat that title: U.S. Teacher Fakes Cancer, Gets Busted.

Maybe it's because this story hits a bit close to home for me, but I sincerely hope karma exists and that this lady actually gets stomach cancer. This shit makes my stomach turn. Some people.

"It feels good, when you know you're down / A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown..."

2006-04-13T07:44:00.000-03:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the MC HAMMER blog.

What else is there to say? Now, if I could only find the Kriss Kross and Young MC blogs...

A King Needs His Throne...

2006-04-12T12:21:00.000-03:00

I found it! It was only a matter of time. What have I found? Gold? Diamonds? A VHS copy of "The Monster Squad"? Xenu? No, no. What I have found is MUCH more valuable than those things...

I have found THE PERFECT OFFICE WASHROOM.

Every office building has one. That one beautiful, pristine, solitary bastion, in which a man can sit down, relax, "do his business", as it were, and contemplate the mysteries of the universe. I need to take 2 different elevators to get to it, but it is worth it. Spacious, clean, well-stocked with toilet paper, paper towels, and soap. A fine restroom indeed. As a bonus, it is on a floor that is not heavily populated, so there is no heavy traffic in and out. I must keep this a secret. It is my special place now. My secret garden. My precious.

Yes, There Are People Who Still Buy CDs...

2006-04-06T13:30:00.000-03:00

Some compact discs I've picked up in the last little while:

Editors - "The Back Room" - Some British dudes. I just picked it up, so I haven't really listened to it yet, but what I heard in the listening post at HMV was good. Although, if I hear one more band compared to Joy Division, I'll plotz. Every new buzz band that comes out does not necessarily sound like Joy Division, despite what every music critic wants you to believe.

The Ramones - Road To Ruin
The Ramones - End Of The Century - This means that I now have the first 5 five studio albums by The Ramones. And yes, I know that one Ramones album sounds just like the next Ramones album, but with a formula as good as they had, who could blame them? Gabba gabba hey, indeed.

The Cardigans - Super Extra Gravity - This is a long way from "Lovefool", let me tell ya. I have listened to this one too much, but each time I do it grows a little bit on me. Also, not to play the ogling male or anything, but Nina Persson is, as my good friend Paris would say, "Totally hot."

Del tha Funky Homosapien - The Best of Del tha Funky Homosapien: The Elektra Years - Hip hop don't make 'em like this anymore. A good compilation of one of my favorite rappers.

Eric B. & Rakim - Gold - Hip hop definitely don't make 'em like this anymore. Aside from a few questionable song choices, this is what the jacket says it is: GOLD.

Bruce Springsteen - Born in the U.S.A. - It's The Boss, fer crissakes.

Odds & Ends

2006-04-04T08:29:00.000-03:00

- I enjoyed watching the Junos on the telly Sunday, despite the inherit lameness that all award shows possess. Pamela Anderson should know better than to make seal clubbing jokes in a province full of fishermen. Jann Arden's crack about her bra being made of baby seal eyelids was pretty funny. Hedley proved my rant about them was spot on by delivering a fugly performance. I think the singer might have some kind of nervous system disorder or something.

- The Detroit Tigers for World Series champs in '06. 1-0 baby. Only 161 more games to go.

- Dylan Moran is a funny guy. Like, really funny.

- I got new shoes. These shoes, to be exact. In black. They is comfy.

- Ketchup chips are good to eat.

- Cab drivers in this city are INSANE IN THEIR MEMBRANES. I'd like to get to my destination in one piece, sir. This isn't the Dakar Rally.

- I finally joined the rest of civilization and began reading The DaVinci Code. So far, I like.

- I bought a cheap-ass crib board. I can finally start embracing my true Cape Breton heritage. Next order of business: buying some Bingo markers and learning Tarbish.

I would like a shot of Black Bush, a bag of Creamy Collon, and some Spotted Dick, please.

2006-03-31T15:39:00.000-04:00

Rude Food

Oh, those foreigners and their wacky product names...

What 'cha gonna do with all them breasts, all them breasts up in that shirt..."

2006-03-30T12:36:00.000-04:00

Juno-mania has descended upon this fair city. Will I run into Pamela Anderson and ask her what it was like working with David Hasselhoff? Will I run into the Black Eyed Peas and ask them to please stop making music? Will I just stay home and watch old Law and Order reruns in my underwear while eating Doritos and Dr. Pepper? Only time will tell...

Third post of the day... productivity is for the weak.

2006-03-28T10:48:00.000-04:00

Children's Letters To Christopher Walken.

Be sure to check out the rest of Brandon Bird's site as well. There's is some great artwork there. I particularly like the painting of Bea Arthur wrestling the velociraptor.

Bunch of savages in this town...

2006-03-28T09:55:00.000-04:00

Clerks II teaser trailer.

I really hope Kevin Smith didn't drop the ball on this one. I'll go see it, obviously, but I have my doubts as to the potential quality of this sequel. We shall see.

Stuff

2006-03-28T07:34:00.000-04:00

V For Vendetta: I saw this last week at the cinemas. Thank Jeebus that there are finally some movies in the theatres that are worth shelling out $10 for. You can now add me to the growing list of people who have a major crush on Natalie Portman. From her SNL rap, to her performance in this movie, to my new found appreciation of bald women, I too have jumped on the Natalie bandwagon.

Inside Man: I also saw this on the weekend. I also recommend this one as well. Nothing like a good heist movie, says I.

Mu Shu Pork: Kathryn and I ordered some Mu Shu last night for the first time, and we are now both converts. The best way to describe it is that it's kind of like a Chinese version of a soft taco or fajita, with a thin pancake taking the place of a tortilla shell. Good stuff.

New chemo: I'm a couple weeks in to my new chemo regimen, and it's going well. I haven't had any real adverse reactions to the new pills, and haven't had any calls from the clinic about low blood counts, so I can't complain too much on that front. Only 28 more weeks to go.

Scientology: Religion, Business, or A Bunch of Bat-Shit Crazy Wackos Who Follow The Psychotic Ramblings Of A Mediocre Science Fiction Writer?

2006-03-24T15:47:00.000-04:00

Inside Scientology:Unlocking the complex code of America's most mysterious religion

Take the time to read this excellent article from Rolling Stone. It's eye-opening, to say the least.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

2006-03-23T15:43:00.000-04:00

I am always the last person on planet Earth to hear about the latest Internet fads and crazes. Yesterday I came upon some quite humorous Internet funnies regarding everybody's favorite Texas Ranger (sorry, Nolan), Chuck Norris. These are, of course, the Chuck Norris Facts. These have been making the rounds around the World HTTP Wide HTML Website Interweb (or WHWHWI, as us "industry types" call it) for some time now, and have finally found their way to my "recycled" work laptop (READ: my Piece of Shit old junker laptop that work has given me because they are too cheap to spring for a brand new one, that sounds like it might undergo a catastrophic failure and explode into a hell-shower of a thousand tiny plastic shards directly into my face at any given moment). You can even buy a t-shirt featuring one of the facts and the handsome visage of the man himself. Here are some personal favorites of mine:

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

"He ragtagged 'im right in the belly-welly, and now he be goin' to the pay windah..."

2006-03-21T07:48:00.000-04:00

Some excellent phrases from famed pro-wrestler, and master linguist, "The American Dream", Dusty Rhodes.

belly-welly (BEL-e WEL-e) - n. the belly, higher than and in front of the lutamus maxmus (seelutamus maxmus).
bidness (BID-nis) - n. one's current affairs, ex. "Taking care of bidness"
cadillac (KAD-lac) - adj. pertaining to a high-risk maneuver or "cat-like" move, usually from the top rope.
clubberin (KLUB-ber-in) - (1)n. the art of a duo placing their four clinched hands on a single opponent; (2)n. four fistses on one head; (3)v. to deliver such a beating.
esactly (ez-AK-lay) - int. a word expressing agreement.
filibustrin' (FIL-i-bus-trin) - v. speaking in a long-winded fashion, a derivative of the English "filibuster".
fisties (FIS-tays) - n. plural for the clenched hand, a derivative of the English "fist". Usually used in sets of four.
fistises (FIS-tis-ays) - n. alternate form of fisties.
hully gully (HUL-e GUL-e) - the predicament a wrestler finds himself in when hanging between the ring ropes or possibly tangled within said ropes.
indubbuyo (in-dub-YO) - n. the organization commonly referred to as the New World Order (NWO).
lutamus maxmus (LUTE-a-mus MAX-mus) - n. the hindquarters or glute muscles, often used in reference to landings or kickings. ex. "He landed right on his lutamus maxmus!"
muthaship (MU-tha-ship) - n. proper name for the WCW Saturday Night television program.
pay winda (PAY win-da) - n. the intended location of a wrestler who is victorious on the muthaship (see muthaship).
plunder (PLUN-da) - a piece of furniture, usu. a table, brought to the wrestling ring as a weapon, whether it is used directly or indirectly
ragtaggin' (RAG-tag-gin) - (1)n. a physical fight or tussle; (2)v. fighting.
rightowrong (RITE-o-rong) - int. a word used to seek agreement from another party.
slobberknockin (SLOB-a-nok-a) - v. to hit one with enough force as to relieve one's mouth of excess saliva (see official Jim Ross Dictionary as well)
thang (THANG) - (1) - n. one or all of the genitals; (2)n. any noun for which there is no other description.
tree of woe (TRE OF WO) - n. a wrestling move employed usu. by Kevin Sullivan that involves hanging the opponent upside down on the turnbuckle.
uncle (UNK-ul) - v. to force another (person) to submit.
unklin' (UNK-lin) - n. a win by submission.
whirlybird (WHUR-lay BURD) - n. proper name for a tilt-a-whirl suplex.
drawersy (DROR-zey) - adj. the act of falling asleep or one who is getting tired.

Yo Dawg, Whazzup Wit Yo Teef?!

2006-03-17T07:58:00.000-04:00

In honour of St. Patrick's Day, I've decided to post some photos of one of my favorite Irishmen, Shane MacGowan. Enjoy. Ahem.

This young lady is showing the usual reaction that most people have when getting a close look at Shane.

Stay back ladies, if you can...

Ahh, the dulcet tones of Mr. MacGowan could sooth the most savage of wild beasts...

If you look up the term "sneaky drunk" in the dictionary, this is all you see.

I believe this photo was taken from the Shane MacGowan Diet and Exercise video...

Check out the "crazy eyes".

"This is not a democracy, this is a cheerocracy..."

2006-03-16T08:46:00.000-04:00

Cheerleading: A Sport In Crisis

This was the best article I've read on cheerleading all week (it's actually quite good. Really. Sports. Sex. Gender issues. The religous right. The liberal left. It's all there.)

L. Ron Strikes Again!

2006-03-14T11:42:00.000-04:00

Isaac Hayes Leaves South Park

I had no idea Isaac Hayes was a Scientologist. Is nobody safe from their infernal clutches?

Until We Meet Again...

2006-03-14T07:27:00.000-04:00

I started my new chemo drugs today, which means that as of right now, and for the next 30 weeks or so, I am BOOZE FREE. When the Precautions section of the drug pamphlet says DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL in big, bold letters, that kind of gets your attention. C'est la vie. So it looks like St. Patrick's day on Friday will be full of ginger ale instead of ALE ale. Meh. Maybe if I look at it as 30 hangover-free weeks, it will make the situation a little less depressing.

And Here You Thought Working At Neverland Ranch Would Be A Solid Career Move...

2006-03-10T12:28:00.000-04:00

Workers Barred From Neverland

Let's just hope Bubbles can find a place to stay. There aren't too many ads in the "Roomate Wanted" section stating:

Wanted: One roomate. Must enjoy bananas, flinging his/her own feces, spending time in hermetically sealed bubbles. Non-smoker, please.

P.S. - No fatties.

America's Next Top Vacuous, Anorexic, Personality-Challenged Walking Billboard

2006-03-10T10:32:00.000-04:00

Once again I feel like ranting about a subject that most normal, intelligent adults would never give more than a second's thought to. This is my burden in life. Well, that, and cancer. Anyways, today's target of my RAGE LASER is... America's Next Top Model!

I'm going to start off here by apologizing to anybody involved in the fashion industry. Not because I am afraid that I might offend you with my comments; I'm just sorry that you are involved in the fashion industry. This is an industry in which its basic function is to tell us, the ignorant masses, what is "fashionable" and "current" in clothing and design (and don't forget body types). That is bullshit. Wear what you want, when you want, end of story. But I digress...

For those of you who have better things to do than watch 8 hours of TV a day (What do you all do with your time? Read books?), ANTM pits 30 hopeful models against each other, with the winner at the end getting a big modelling contract or something. There are so many things in this show that annoy me I don't know where to start:

- The walking-talking VOIDS OF INTELLIGENCE that are the contestants. Outside of a few girls I've seen, the combined IQ of the models on this show would probably compare to that of a trained circus chimp. There certainly aren't too many MENSA members on this show.

- The contrived "drama". Much of the show's "appeal" apparently comes from the fact that the girls all live together in a house, quite similar to EVERY FUCKING REALITY TV SHOW EVER MADE! The cattyness and in-fighting looks so contrived that your average soap opera seems like a documentary in comparison.

- The idea that being a fashion model is hard work. BULL. SHEEIT. Being a surgeon is hard. Being a garbageman is hard. Being a model is flying around the world, wearing insanely expensive clothes and jewels (or no clothes at all), and looking pretty.

- The judges. Wow. These guys make The Queer Eye guys look like the offensive line of the Denver Broncos. And before the hate mail comes flooding in: I have nothing against gay guys, but come on now, does anybody have to be THAT FLAMING. Too each their own and all that, but their constant mincing and You go girl!s, Ooh, girlfriend you fine!s, and Oh no she didint!s make me feel like I'm stuck on the set of Ricki Lake getting pistol-whipped by Liberace.

- Tyra Banks. She gets a special nod here. Her "homegirl vocabulary" sounds about as natural as Vanilla Ice's. Her talk show is sub-Tony Danza. She is Satan and has come to Earth to take over my cable box.

You'd figure he'd show up on a potato...

2006-03-06T13:14:00.000-04:00

Image of Jesus appears on a cloth in P.E.I.

I always take these images of Jesus (or the Virgin Mary) with a grain of salt. Everytime he appears on a piece of cloth, Tim Horton's window, or taco shell, the image could be interpreted as many different things (or nothing at all even). Granted, the picture included in the article may indeed be that of Jesus. Although it may be an image of Ted Nugent. It's hard to tell.

Music Sucks, Chapter The Second

2006-03-03T13:48:00.000-04:00

Bear with me a while I vent about another horrible pop group that I've seen a lot of lately: Hedley.

These sissyboys represent everything that is lame, corporate, and safe about modern day popular music. Hedley make emo bands look like Slayer. I bet 13 year old girls just can't get enough of this pap. Hedley is basically "rock n' roll that even Mom could enjoy". Some people may see these pantywaists as heartfelt, idealistic young people, carving out there own niche of the rock world with their hearts on their sleeves. Those people should be rounded up and beaten with phonebooks. Hedley are the quintessential "mall band", in that you could easily imagine being subjected to their whiny wheedleings in any number of mall stores, such as The Gap, Le Chateau, Hot Topic, etc., etc..

To top it off, the front "man" (the term "man" being used in the loosest of senses here) of this band used to be on Canadian Idol. Nuff said.

Music Sucks

2006-03-02T14:45:00.000-04:00

For lack of anything better to post, here is an incredibly spot-on review of that cringe-inducing Black Eyed Peas song, "My Humps", courtesy of Ruthless Reviews.

To add my two-cents, "My Humps" has to be one of the absolute worst songs I have ever heard, in my life, EVER. Who the fuck is listening to this audio diarrhea? It's sub-Macarena. I wouldn't make my worst enemy listen to this song. Although, to be fair, I do approve of the song's usage of the plural form of the word "breast", as in, "What'cha gonna do with all them breasts, all them breasts inside that shirt?" I would have also accepted use of the word "breasties" or even "breastesies". I don't know if I would accept "breasticles", or "chesticles". I have my limits.

...And Go To Straight To Bed Without Any Dinner!

2006-03-01T10:52:00.000-04:00

Halifax Regional School Board Could be Dissolved

The gist of this story is that due to a few internal board spats, some meetings have been cancelled, and the deputy minister of education has given the board until March 31 to "straighten up and fly right", or else the board will be dissolved.

The funniest thing about the story is that some dude (this is an ADULT MALE, remember) got all in a tizzy because the seating plan was changed. The seating plan? How junior high school. He probably was pissed off that he couldn't pass notes to the cute girl that sat in front of him anymore. It's nice to know that adults in positions of authority can be just as juvenile as 13 year olds. Lame-O.

Crazy Things Are Crazy

2006-02-27T14:38:00.000-04:00

What You Didn't Know About Scientology

Link stolen from Boost Ventilator.com

It's Just A Ride...

2006-02-27T10:15:00.000-04:00

Bill Hicks passed away 12 years ago yesterday, Feb.26, of pancreatic cancer.

And yet Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, and Jay Leno still walk the Earth. This is a strange and confusing universe, indeed.

Sound The Nerd Alarm

2006-02-24T08:29:00.000-04:00

So here is a picture of Spiderman from the upcoming (2007) Spiderman 3 movie:

Notice the black suit? Now, this doesn't mean much to the average Joe's and Joesephine's out there, but to ginormous nerds and geeks like me, it means a heck of a lot. I'm excited for this movie already.

Also, apparently one of the villains in the movie is going to be Sandman. Sandman? Lame. I was hoping to see this guy, or possibly this guy, or maybe even this guy. Well, maybe not that last guy.

God I'm a huge nerd.

These are a few of my favorite things...

2006-02-23T10:43:00.000-04:00

Good Things I've Seen/Ingested/Generally Had Some Kind Of Contact With This Week

- Campbell's Cream Of Mushroom Soup: In my book, there is absolutely no better way to dress up a pork chop.
- Tuna Salad with Apples: I'm warning you Kathryn: if you keep making me such good lunches, I'll never make a lunch for myself again.
- Heathers: I just got this on DVD this week. Best use of fake teen slang in a film ever. Also, Christian Slater was fucking channeling the spirit of Jack Nicholson for the entire movie. Well, you could probably say that about ANY Christian Slater performance, I suppose.
- Scallop Chow Mein: Thank you, Great Wall Restaurant, for making such delectable chow mein. And the delivery guy actually had no trouble finding the door to my apartment, which seems to be a monumental task for most delivery people.
- NES Roms: Thank the computer gods for emulation, for now I can play Ice Hockey and Super Mario Bros. 2 till my heart's content.

Bummer Of The Week:

Team Canada loses its quarterfinal game against Russia. Bummer. Well, at least the women's team won gold, right?

I May Finally Be Ready To "Think Outside The Box"

2006-02-21T12:30:00.000-04:00

The latest edition to Iain's "Me Wantee" list:

The Apple Macbook Pro

"I've Got Something To Say!"

2006-02-17T15:32:00.000-04:00

So it looks like this company now has the distribution rights to the Strangers With Candy movie, and are planning to release it in June. I say bravo to them, although the press release said that they were planning to release the film in "limited engagements", which may rule out seeing the film in Halifax. Here's to hoping a DVD release is not too far off.

Also, apparently Amy Sedaris is in Nova Scotia this month filming some movie, so for the rest of the month I'm going to be in full-on stalker mode. Hopefully I'll corner her in a dark alley somewhere and ask her for the recipe of her famous cheeseballs (she's a bit of an amateur chef, apparently).

Fun With Keyword Analysis

2006-02-16T14:43:00.000-04:00

Oh, you people and your wacky search engines. Let's examine some of the search terms that brought people to my dank little corner of the Interweb:

partying fun times and drinking quotes
I'd like to think that if Iain Gillis is about anything, he's about partying, fun times, and saying quotable things whilst drinking. He's also about popsicles, tacos, and world peace.

hot ladies sydney,n.s
For anybody looking for the "hot ladies" of Sydney, NS, may I suggest that you head down to the Steel City Bar & Grill on Townesend Street during Wing Night. That is where they all congregate.

songs with bad words
I would not stoop so low as to post songs with offensive lyrics here. Here is a song that the whole family can enjoy.
"My Ding A Ling" - Chuck Berry

how to make donair
get drunk. take pita. scrape meat off of rotating loaf. put meat on pita. cover in mysterious white goo. don't forget onions and tomatoes, to give impression that what you are eating can actually be considered "food". roll up. eat. put plenty of reading material in bathroom. trust me, you need this later.

You know, I never did like that guy...

2006-02-16T14:35:00.000-04:00

Actor who plays Scottish guy in Alexander Keith's commercials is up on child porn charges.

Looks like spilled beer is the least of this dude's worries now.

Please Sir, Where For To Find The Explosives, Yes?

2006-02-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

ATTN:
To whomever found my blog by using the search engine phrase "how make bomb", a bit of quick advice:

If you cannot successfully type the sentence "How to make a bomb.", you probably shouldn't be in the bomb making business. It's the little details that come back to haunt ya', know what I mean.

Expand Your Mind, Maaaaan...

2006-02-13T14:57:00.000-04:00

I bumped into a couple of "nu-hippies" on the escalator at work today, and my thoughts immediately turned to this song by my most favorite of bands, Ween.

"Hippy Smell", by Ween

Got th' hippy smell
She lives in Atlanta, Georg-ay
Ahh yeah I said
Hippy smell, only I can't tell
Patcholi oil, sixties hell
You're not real, and you're not surreal
Can't you tell, hippy smell

Can't you tell...
She's got the hippy smell, ladies and gentleman
It smelled of patcholi oil on the brain
She's got the Grateful Dead posters hanging up in the house everywhere
She smokes the clove cigarettes
She says, "I wish I lived in the sixties
Because those were really neat times"
Well, I have a thing for ya, you know you wouldn't wanna be alive
In the sixties 'cause there was a lotta shit happenin'
And ya probably woulda, ya know,
Your hippy little ass probably woulda gotten killed or something
Goddamn shitface

Great little song, don't ya think.

Do you want for to come to Poland to watch a movie, yes?

2006-02-12T08:05:00.000-04:00

Check out these extremely rad Polish movie posters. My favorites are the Muppets poster, followed closely by the sweet ass Blues Brothers poster. My vote for Most Disturbing poster goes to the Cabaret one (Liza, Nazis, shudder).

Well, It Sounded Like A Good Idea At The Time...

2006-02-08T10:13:00.000-04:00

The old, slightly beer-gutted version of me would have polished off that donair plate last night without batting an eye. The new, lean-and-mean version of me barely finished half of it before succumbing to the dreaded "meat sweats". Oh, the times they are a-changin'.

What is the donair plate, you ask? Well, it's kind of like poutine as envisioned by a crazed wizard in a tower. Take a layer of french fries, top with a mound of donair meat, onions, and tomatoes, add a generous helping of donair sauce, then finish the whole mess with a generous (and I do mean generous) helping of mozzarella cheese. Add to this the fact that a Saluzzo's small donair plate could easily feed 2 or 3 people, and you have an idea of what I was up against last night.

Another Day In The Salt Mine

2006-02-06T12:08:00.000-04:00

So today is a big day for yours truly: I'm back to work. So far it had gone okay, although I can't really do much because all of my passwords have to be reset, and although this may seem like a simple task to accomplish, it could take a little while. Dang bloated corporate infrastructure. I was even taken off the employee web directory. What a kick in the nuts, eh? Anywhoo, I glad that I'm back in the business of earning a steady paycheck, so here's to me staying healthy and getting back in the swing of things around here.

No Mo' IV Chemo

2006-01-27T08:02:00.000-04:00

Huzzah, six fun filled months of shitty chemo finished. Now just six more months of less-shitty chemo to go. Things are lookin' up.

I'm roasting a chicken tomorrow. What the frig do you do with giblets?

I make the bomb chili, boyeeee....

2006-01-21T07:36:00.000-04:00

So I'm back in Halifax and feeling fine. My last dose of IV chemo was moved to this coming Tuesday, so I've had a week to relax and recover from my hospital ordeal.

I made chili yesterday. It's the best chili you've never had. Come over and get some. Aight.

Bye Bye Sydney...

2006-01-14T07:23:00.000-04:00

Hello Halifax. In a few hours, anyways.

a quick update:

2006-01-11T00:52:00.000-04:00

yup. still kathryn.
and i lied, apparently. iain is still in the sydney regional hospital. he has been transferred to what he referred to as "the cancer section", but i'm sure it has a better name.

his fever seems to be gone, or at least under control and the problems he was having with his mouth have been taken care of. the doctors are keeping him on the antibiotics just until his white counts come up enough to keep him safe to travel home.

a few days, maybe?

i went up to visit him on the weekend, and he's doing just fine. a little nausea from the medication, but he'll be home soon.

i'll post again if i get any new information. hopefully, the next post will not be written by me.

important updates for iain's faithful readers:

2006-01-05T08:32:00.000-04:00

firstly, this is iain's girlfriend kathryn.

secondly, if you have been trying to get a hold of iain, or wondering why the hell his blog has gone so untended for so long, here's the scoop:

While visiting his parents in Sydney after christmas, Iain's immune system decided to take a nosedive, landing him in the hospital with a fever and a swollen mouth. This was monday, Jan 1, and he is still there recieving antibiotics and being cared for by professionals. Don't worry, he's okay and very safe. He should be home in the next few days, as he has chemo here in Halifax on Tuesday.

I'll try to update here if I have any more news.

Happy/Merry Chistmas/Hanukkah/Ramadan/Kwanzaa/Holidays

2005-12-24T05:51:00.000-04:00

Best wishes to one and all and stuff. I'm currently in Prospect, Nova Scotia with my girlfriend and her wacky family. Things is good. I'll be home in Sydney on the 27th until Jan. 2. Feelin' fine and truckin' along. Yup.

This is me updating my blog...

2005-12-13T07:24:00.000-04:00

I am doing fine.

The blog has been updated.

Is there much cuttlefish flavour in this soda?

2005-11-23T11:55:00.000-04:00

Here is a blog chronicling one brave soul's journey through the mystical wonderland that is Japanese snack food.

Make a point to take a few minutes out of your day and read some of these. It's funny stuff. I've been thinking about doing something like this as well, seeing as how there is an Asian grocery store just down the street from me. I'm not sure I have the constitution for this sort of thing, though. Maybe I'll start by reviewing weird British food. Baby steps.

Dear Santa...

2005-11-22T17:04:00.000-04:00

... Or Crazy Blog Reader With Lots Of Expendable Cash And A Kind Heart

Here is a list of things that I have absolutle no need of, but if any of you out there get caught up in the consumer side of the Christmas spirit and want to make a nice young man smile on the 25th, here are some suggestions:

Pop-up Hot Dog Cooker - I was just thinking about how hard it is to cook up a hot dog. I believe that it's up there with making the perfect souffle, or the perfect roast turkey.

Egg Poaching Toaster - I like this because I like things that do more than one thing. I like my machines to be multi-tasking.

3-in-1 Rotating Game Table - Once again, multi-tasking here. I also like things that rotate. And tabletop hockey is rad.

Home Arcade System - Show me a guy who doesn't want a full-size arcade system in their house, and I'll show you a fictional construct who only exists inside your imagination, because every guy wants a full-size arcade system in their house.

Remote Control R2D2 - This is useful, because if I'm ever being held hostage by an evil inter-galactic warlord, I could send this puppy out with an S.O.S.. It could happen.

Robosapien V2 - Unlike R2, Robosapien has the opposable digits necessary to perform such important household tasks, such as "Fetch Iain a beer.", or "Fetch Iain a Snack", or "Fetch Iain The Remote, Even Though It Is Only Two Feet Away And He Could Easily Get It Himself." He will be an invaluable asset to my currently nonexistent household robot collection.

Roomba Discovery Robotic Floor Vac - Roomba will clean up all of the messes caused by Robosapien's shoddy work. He's infuriating, but I just can't stay mad at him.

Desktop Carnivorous Plant Set - I like the idea that I could have something on my desktop with the power to kill.

Swiss Army USB - Aw, even the venerable Swiss Army knife could not avoid our societies need to store digital information in every frigging device ever made. I like the little scissors, myself.

Ambient Weather Beacon - I like to imagine my friends walking into my house, looking at this weird glowing box in the corner, and asking "What is that thing?", to which I reply, "Oh, that... that's just my Ambient Weather Beacon. Now, if you excuse me, I've got to go take the Turbolift up to the roof. My jet pack is just sitting on the helipad, and I think that it's going to rain."

M400 Skycar Prototype - Kind of makes your neighbours new Land Rover look like a piece of shit now, doesn't it?

Indycar Series Simulator - Here's the plan:

1. Invite friends over.
2. Tell them you have just bought a new videogame system.
3. Show them this bad boy.
4. Have maid mop up floor, as friends have likely pissed themselves in astonishment by this point.

Old Ladies + Big Crowds = Bad Words, Or "How Iain Lost The Christmas Spirit"

2005-11-20T12:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was mine and Kathryn's 6-month anniversary, so we got our asses out of the house to celebrate. Kathryn treated me to brunch at Saege, a new bistro here in Halifax. I had the Huevos Rancheros, which involved a couple of fried eggs, some tostadas (crispy fried corn tortillas), some fresh salsa, cilantro, and some bacon. Good stuff. We then spent a few hours getting a jump start on some Christmas shopping. After that, we went to the theatre to see Walk The Line, the new Johnny Cash biopic. I thought that the movie was fantastic, and both Joaquin Phoenix (he played Johnny) and Reese Witherspoon (she played June Carter) did an excellent job with the singing and whatnot. The drunk guy in front of us did not share this opinion, unfortunately. Dude spends the entire movie making "funny" cracks about the movie, then wobbles out of the theatre yelling "Nobody go see that Johnny Cash movie, it sucks!" at anybody within earshot. A walking, breathing anti-drinking ad, I tells ya. After the movie was out, I was excited, because it was time for the annual Christmas parade. Well, I was excited, until we actually got out to the street. What we were greeted with was a throng of cranky ass people moving at the speed of snot. Kathryn and I positioned ourselves down by the road, behind a young mother, her baby, and the grandmother. They seemed nice enough at first, but that lasted about 2 minutes. Some theatre goers were trying to get home, and politely asked the people in front of us to step aside for a moment. Unbeknownst to the poor couple, they had crossed a line in asking what seemed to be such an innocuous question. After a few terse refusals, the trapped couple started to become a little agited with Mommy and Grandma. I'm not exactly sure what happened next, but I all I know is that the discussion ended with Grandma calling this girl, and I quote, "A slut." This is about the time where Kathryn and I made a mutual decision to skip the parade and get to dinner. Parades suck anyways, right? Anybody can put some lights on a minivan and wave at kids. We made our way through the mob and finally got to Opa Taverna for dinner. Some kalamata spread with pita, some lamb ravioli in tomato sauce, some wine, and the bitter memory of "The Christmas Parade From Hell" was washed away from our memories. The topper of the evening was a viewing of the fifth edition of TV Carnage. A great day, no doubt. And god bless us, everyone.

Arrested Development's Development Arrested

2005-11-15T18:45:00.000-04:00

So it looks like Fox is cancelling Arrested Development, one of the only decent shows left on that godforsaken network. If five Emmys and countless other awards and critical acclaim aren't enough to keep a show afloat, I don't know what is. Lamesville.

Here is David Cross' succinct take on how the Fox network has failed the show.

Getting sauced over the long weekend...

2005-11-14T10:33:00.000-04:00

For lack of anything better to post, here is a recipe for an easy red clam sauce I made over the weekend. I should probably give some credit to TV chef Michael Smith and his show, which gave me the idea for this. Coincidentaly, my girlfriend is totally in love with this dude and his show (despite the fact that he sometimes wears a ponytail, the saddest of all male hairstyles), and he's going to be in Halifax on Wednesday for some sort of book signing/cooking demo thing. I fully expect that she will take off with him to his P.E.I. home and leave me here alone, crying into my sub-celebrity chef clam sauce. Such is life, I suppose.

Iain's Baco-tastic Red Clam Sauce

Start off by cooking some chopped up bacon. I used some Italian bacon, pancetta. Once the bacon is browned, take it out of the pan, reserve the drippings (mmmm, drippings), and saute some chopped onion and garlic in them until the mess is lightly golden in colour. Dump in a can of diced tomatoes, and the liquid from one can of clams. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer away. Add the bacon back into the sauce, along with the clams, salt, pepper, and whatever other herbs and spices your little heart desires (stay away from cinnamon though... I don't think that would work). I also added a chopped up roasted red pepper, for shits and giggles. Put the pasta on (don't forget to salt the water), cook it, drain the pasta (don't rinse the pasta, or the sauce won't stick to it), toss with sauce, eat, then phone up your local East Side Mario's and tell them that their fridge is running and they better go and catch it.

Old And Busted: Chef Boyardee

2005-11-07T10:54:00.000-04:00

New Hotness: Me

Final Verdict on "Iain's Meatier Than Meaty Super Fantastic Pa' Scetti Sauce":

Wanna make it yourself? Wha, you think you're betta than me? Here's what I did:

First, I sauteed some celery, carrots and onions in oil, until they were soft (that's what us chefs call a "mirepoix"). Then I added the meat (1 pound extra lean ground beef, 3/4 of a pound of lean ground pork, and about 1/4 of a pound of sweet Italian sausage), and browned it off. While the meat was browning, I dumped in a few cloves of minced garlic, salt, pepper, dried oregano, dried basil, dried parsley, and some crushed red pepper flakes. Once the meat was browned, I drained off the fat and added a 28-oz can of crushed tomatoes, a 19-oz can of crushed fire-roasted tomatoes, and some red wine (about a glass or so). After that, I just let the mess simmer for a few hours, stirring and tasting every now and again. And that was that.

Of Meatsauce And Men...

2005-11-04T09:41:00.000-04:00

I can't wait until tomorrow. After an early (and I do mean early) trip to the farmer's market for some provisions, and then maybe a stop at Pete's Frootique to pick up whatever I can't find at the market, I plan on spending the better part of the afternoon cooking up a batch of spaghetti sauce, of the meaty variety. This is going to be an all day jobby, and I ain't fooling around. Ground beef and pork (and maybe Italian sausage, if the mood strikes me), onions, garlic, a good can of Italian tomatoes (it's actually worth paying an extra dollar for a can imported from Italy, believe me), red wine, a few hours of simmering to enhance the flavour, all that nonsense. I think that tonight I'm going to bust out the Ouji board and call upon the spirit of a long-dead Italian grandma to come in and possess my soul for a few hours. It will be the kind of meal that gangsters partake of while planning their next hit. Fuggedahboutit.

I am not the monkey.

2005-11-02T09:51:00.000-04:00

So my girlfriend had a strange dream last night, and I feel that I must share it all with you, to clear up any future misconceptions. In her dream, there was a white, gangly monkey, and this monkey was terrorizing Kathryn. This monkey would bite her and generally was being a little bastard, but whenever anybody was around and looking at it, it would act all nice. The monkey was owned by friends of Kathryn, but no matter where she was, or who she was with, the monkey was there. It kept on changing hands, moving from friend to friend, haunting poor Kathryn all the way. While trying to dissect the dream this morning, we both came upon a disturbing thought: since I wasn't in the dream, maybe the monkey was a representation of me. Maybe it was me all along, giving her a hard time and then acting all nice around her friends. Let me state something here for the record:

I AM NOT THE MONKEY!

I am going to get a t-shirt made with that on it. I think that Kathryn is the monkey, and I was represented by Kathryn in the dream. She thinks that's rubbish. Well, that's just like, her opinion, man.

Little Boys Love Candy...

2005-10-28T11:50:00.000-03:00

Last year around this time I posted a list of 5 of the crappiest things to get while trick-or-treating, and I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today, so here goes another listy.

5 Of The Cruddiest Halloween Treats

Candy Cigarettes: Let's be honest now: did anybody out there actually enjoy these things? You could probably just hand out pieces of chalk for the kiddies to gnaw on, and they probably couldn't tell the difference. And I never remember seeing Popeye smoking. How could a man who was basically a poster boy for green vegetables end up hawking those nasty little sticks of flavourless candy?
Jelly Beans: Sorry people, jelly beans are Easter candy. Plain and simple. And they're not that good during Easter, either. Add to the fact that since Halloween jelly beans invariably come in 2 colours, orange and black, roughly half of your bean stash is going to be black licorice flavour. I realize that there are some weirdos out there who get all hot and bothered over black licorice, but I for one do not.
Peppermints: Peppermints are a definite Halloween no-no. Peppermints are something you get when you go to Grandma's house, right next to the bowl of licorice all-sorts and chicken bones.
Gum: Let's just set the record straight here once and for all: GUM IS NOT CANDY. Chiclets are crap. And that's all I have to say about that.
Those Halloween Caramel Things: Yes, I know that I put these on the list last year, but I just hate them so much! And you always got so many, since they were always among the cheapest candy to buy. My loathing for those nasty caramels knows no bounds.

ATTENTION: Peoples of Smellifax

2005-10-26T12:46:00.000-03:00

Go to this show. I am. You should too. Also, I've heard through the grapevine thatn this may be the last Windom Earle show for a while. Get your Windom Earle fix now, while you still can.

I Like Soup

2005-10-21T11:54:00.000-03:00

I'd just like to take a quick second here to give a shout out to Maureen, the manager of the Second Cup at the Dalhousie Computer Science building. For those not in the know, my girlfriend works there as a coffee lady (or barrista, if you prefer), and Maureen is her immediate supervisor/boss lady (or uber-barrista, if you prefer). Maureen decided that she wanted to help me out in some way, and that way ended up being keeping me supplied with a free lunch whenever my little heart desired one.

Basically, I can get anything I want for free, including soups, sandwiches, cookies, and more, excluding any products that are inventoried (these include brand name products, like Doritos, V-8 juice, bottled water, etc.). This is quite awesome. The soup is my usual freebie. For dehydrated soups, they have a ton of great ones. Today was Spicy Louisiana Chicken Gumbo. Delish. Chili, Cream Of Broccoli, Chicken Noodle, Roasted Tomato and Red Pepper, all good.

So, thanks to Maureen and her generous nature (and to Kathryn, who kept me well supplied in Second Cup goodies over the summer, and usually ends up serving me here every day anyways). Soup is rad. The end.

All Is Well

2005-10-20T12:52:00.000-03:00

Chemo went well on Tuesday. I've felt okay since, with only a little bit of vomiting going on, mostly related to the taking of the my cyclophosphamide tablets. One dose of this drug consists of 15 50 mg tablets at a time, so for somebody like me who hates taking pills, it's a struggle to keep them all down. Everything I've read on the drug though says that it can be taken intravenously, so I think I might start begging my doctor to try that method. We shall see.

I'm also testing out some new facial hair this week: the goatee. I'm still not sure about it. I'll have to take it out in public and see how people react to it, I suppose.

The excitement never stops with me, I tells ya.

9:45 PM. The "Pharm Team" is winding down. I'm pooped.

2005-10-14T21:45:00.000-03:00

I'm going to sleep like a drunk baby tonight.
Ted Leo & His Pharmacists are quite good. I'd better get back to the stage before I lose Dillman. He has my Sharp Like Knives CD, the little pisher. I'm out this bee-atch.

8:50 PM. somewhere North of America...

2005-10-14T20:50:00.000-03:00

That's more like it.

I respect a band that gives shout outs to their parents in the audience. And kudos to the parentals for braving the throngs of "dang juvenile delinquents" to support their kids. Feel the love.

Ted Leo better start soon, cuz I'm warm and me legs are sore. As Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon, "I'm getting too old for this shit."

Liveage. Part Deux. 7:50 PM.

2005-10-14T19:47:00.000-03:00

Femme Generation = Lame Generation.

Sorry fellas. Enjoy your stay in Nova Scotia though. Try one of our delicious McLobster's. There the best.

In other news, I think I'm about 10 years older than just about everybody in here. I wonder if anybody here needs a tutor in social studies?

Live Report: 7:30 PM. The Pavillion. Poop Explosion.

2005-10-14T19:29:00.000-03:00

I am currently posting this from inside The Pavillion, in picturesque Halifax, NS. Sharp Like Knives just finished. They brought the dance rock party fo' sheezy. It's hot as a crotch in here. I'll check in later. Word.

Me Wantee

2005-10-13T14:15:00.000-03:00

I just saw a link to this bad boy on Boost Ventilator.com.

The Big Lebowksi: Collector's Edition

I need this in my DVD collection. I think that it will really tie the room together...

"Is he strong? Listen, bud... he's got radioactive blood."

2005-10-13T13:00:00.000-03:00

One last blast of the ol' brain rads tomorrow and I'm done with that portion of my treatment. Nice. I'm going to the Sharp Like Knives / Femme Generation / North Of America / Ted Leo show at the Pavillion tomorrow, and the parentals are coming up for the weekend, so things are looking up. I'm going to have to go out of my way to entertain myself this weekend, seeing as how my better half is off to Toronto for a weekend of shopping and sushi with her mom and sis. Perhaps the "gift fairy" will sneak a little piece of T.O. back for me? Only time will tell...

Now let's all hope that my headaches don't come back after I stop taking my Decadron tomorrow. That would be quite the bummer.

Another fantastic end of harvest season celebration...

2005-10-11T11:15:00.000-03:00

A huge thank you to the English family for a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. And a big thank you to the manufacturers of Decadron for keeping me feeling good enough to polish off two helpings of said dinner. I am a little disappointed at my Trival Pursuit loss last night, but much fun and mirth was had regardless.

Cheeese, Gromit!

2005-10-09T08:27:00.000-03:00

Go out and see Wallace And Gromit: Curse Of The Were-Rabbit. Right now. This movie is good. Yes.

In other news, my radiologist has put me on a new drug to counteract the vicious headaches and nausea I was feeling all week: Decadron. This is another corticosteroid, like the Prednisone I was on during the beginning of my treatment. It seems to be working, as I can now sit up for more than five minutes without feeling crippling head pains, so that's a plus. Hopefully it will continue to work until my radiation treatment is over (this Friday is my last day). After my radiation, I then start another round of heavy chemo on the 18th. Woopdie doo.

Oh, and here's a little blurb for any drug retailers out there: ENOUGH WITH THE FRIGGING MARK-UPS! On Friday, when I was picking up my Decadron perscription, I also had to pick up some Zantac to counteract any stomach upset or indigestion that the Decadron may have caused. If I was to buy the Zantac at the regular pharmacy, it would cost roughly $40 or so. Luckily for me, a friendly social worker from the hospital gave me a referral to the Metro Drug Dispensery at the IWK, so that I can purchase some of my drugs there at cost. The final cost for my Zantac? $9. That's it. I would have ended up paying more than four times that price at the pharmacy. It kind of makes me feel like I entered the wrong field in life. How do you drug company executives sleep at night? Oh wait, let me guess... "On top of a pile of money, with many beuatiful ladies." Bah.

Oh, and Kathryn just told me to write something nice about her, so here goes: Kathryn keeps me well stocked in the lime popsicle department. That is very nice of her.

This whole cancer thing is going straight to my head...

2005-10-05T10:14:00.000-03:00

My radiation therapy is going okay, except for the fact that my lumbar puncture headaches have been replaced with radiation related brain swelling headaches. I do get to keep my mask though, so silver linings and all that...

"Live, Direct From Hell... Spinal Tap!"

2005-09-26T10:38:00.000-03:00

Tomorrow is the last needle in the spine I'll be getting for awhile. That is most definitely a good thing. I'm getting my brain irradiated on Wednesday as well. It is pretty low level radiation though, so there's not too much to worry about. It's just a preventative thing.

It's also looking good for me being able to go home for Thanksgiving. I'm pretty "stoked" about that, as the kids say. I'm also taking Kathryn with me, so she'll get to experience all of the wonderment and mirth that is Sydney as well. There will most definitely be some Gobblefesting going on. I'm pretty excited to see Rock Ranger again. It's been too long.

Oh, and I also went to Taco Bell again yesterday. The Chicken Burrito Supreme meal... I approve.

Run(s) For The Border

2005-09-22T12:46:00.000-03:00

Taco Bell is now open on Quinpool Road.

I think I'm going for a walk soon.

I've always had a weakness for The Bell's unique brand of low-grade Tex Mex mess. What can I say, I likes what I likes.

A Seven Layer Burrito and a nice siesta. Sounds like a dandy afternoon to me.

Free At Last, Free At Last!

2005-09-19T11:47:00.000-03:00

For the first time in a few months, I am IV free. My Hickman line was removed during my last hospital stay, and my temporary IV was taken out last night after my last dose of antibiotics. I'm going to take 15 showers today. Ah, the things you "normals" take for granted. I suggest you all try this at least once: try showeing with a Ziplock bag taped to your chest with "waterproof" tape (that isn't actually waterproof), trying your best to wash yourself with one hand while facing away from the shower nozzle. That is the joy of trying to take a shower with a Hickman line attached to you. While I did experience some slight separation anxiety for a few minutes after it was removed, I can't say that I miss having that damned thing hanging off of me.

Oh yeah, and a happy 4-month anniversary shout out to my lovely girlfriend Kathryn. I'll take you out to Arby's for the Five For Five deal. Loves ya.

My Head Hurts

2005-09-15T11:42:00.000-03:00

So I'm out. And my head hurts. A lovely side effect of this week's lumbar puncture.

I'm currently in the process of figuring out a way to conduct all of my daily business from the prone position. Suggestions are welcome.

Live From Wing 8A

2005-09-06T14:30:00.000-03:00

Just a quick post from the hospital to let you jerks know what the deal is:

My infection is under control, and I'll be in here for a few more days. I'm feeling 'aight. I went into Radiology today to get my cranium mapped for my upcoming raditiation therapy. They took this white mesh looking thing, put it in a hot water bath, stretched it over my face, and let it take the shape of my skull and harden up. Weirdness. At least now, if I ever want to build a plastic body double of myself in an effort to fake my own death, I have a ready head mold at my disposal.

The hospital food has been okay, although I wish I had more of the turkey and mashed potatoes and less of the chicken crock pot soup, thank you very much, Capital Health. Oh, and for anybody who finds themselves on the inside, here's a friendly tip: stay away from the fishsticks. Trust me.

Lymphomapalooza: Part Deux, went off without a hitch in the Syd over the weekend. Big thanks to all those who made it out.

Well, I better get back to my room, as I'm sure I'm due to get jabbed and probed with some kind of intrusive device in the near future. I'll be lucky if I come out of this not looking like a block of Swiss cheese.

infiltrating the system

2005-09-03T21:10:00.000-03:00

firstly: this is not iain. this is iain's girlfriend, kathryn, invading iain's blog to give his readers and friends an important update.

secondly: all this new password information has surely made me drunk with power.

thirdly,and the point: iain has been admitted into the hospital once again. it seems that some nasty bugs set up camp in his hickman line and presented him with a nasty little infection. after some temperature spikes, chills and shakes, the doctors and nurses have put him on a seven day antibiotic program, which should take care of everything. he's still feeling fairly well and is in good spirits about everything, but must endure a week of poking and prodding and hospital food.

he's in the VG site, in the same unit as he was before. please call ahead before visiting and no sickies please.

Belated Thanks, and Round 2

2005-09-01T11:00:00.000-03:00

Thank you:

One World Cafe
Stephan and everybody else who had a hand in planning the show
Windom Earle, Hot.Shot.Robot, and Juan Love
Jon Bruhm and The Coast for some sweet free advertising
All of the folks who came out ot the show and donated money.

And it's all happening again this Saturday in my hometown of Sydney. My brother is putting together Lymphomapalooza II: Electric Boogaloo. Here are the details:

Sat, Sep 3

LYMPHOMAPALOOZA
A Benefit For Iain Gillis

The best in local talent raise money for a great cause.

Some featured acts include:
Rock Ranger,
Tom Fun and the Granola Collective,
Slowcoaster,
Carmen Townsend,
The Lighthouse Choir,
Ryan J. and Sheamus MacNeil
@ the Upstairs

So, anybody out there who is reading this and is from Sydney or the surrounding area, get you arse out to this one. It's gonna be huge. Believe dat.

Old And Busted: Live Aid

2005-08-25T08:49:00.000-03:00

New Hotness: Lymphomapalooza

This Saturday! Be there ! Be There! BE THERE! Saturday, Saturday, SATURDAY! Come for the bands, stay for the Lymphomapalooza Solid Gold Dancers and TRUCKASAURUS!

Saturday, August 27th
The One World Cafe, 2412 Agricola St, Halifax, NS
featuring:
Windom Earle
Juan Love
Hot.Shot.Robot.
7 PM
$3

On unrelated news, yesterday I made a totally kick-ass black bean soup and some jalapeno cornbread. I'm beginning to think that I missed my calling in life. If I thought for a minute that I could handle the stress of working in a busy restaurant kitchen, I would start training to become a chef in a heartbeat. Maybe I could just skip working in the restaurant business, and move straight onto getting my own cooking show. All Things Food And Boozy, with Master Chef Iain Gillis. I like the sound of that.