Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Taxis, Germans, and Shitty House Music

I had the strangest cab ride yesterday. It was this young German guy, with bleach blond hair, these futuristic Matrix-style sunglasses, and this weird (but obviously quite expensive) leather bomber jacket. He was blasting some sort of bizarro Eurotrash techno/house/rave club music, and I do mean blasting. I felt like I was partying in Ibiza or something. Anyways, Dieter (I don't actually know the dude's name, but Dieter is a good German name, so there you go) was yakking away on his super-fancy cell phone with a friend the entire trip as well, laughing hysterically and talking in German, as Germans are wont to do. He was probably discussing the latest Kraftwerk album and complaining about how the clubs here in Canada are nowhere near as good as they are Europe (or so I would like to believe).

Did you ever see that Simpson's episode where Bart finds out that Grandpa was a member of the Flying Hellfish in WWII, and they end up finding out that the Hellfish treasure is really just artwork stolen from a German castle, and at the end of the episode the rightful German heir to those paintings meets them on the beach and takes them back and then yells, "Hey fun boys, get a room!", as he is driving off in his sports car while blasting techno music? That is what this cab driver reminded me of.

I love and hate taxis for this reason. You meet such strange characters driving in cabs. Some of them are harmless weirdos, like Dieter the Raver, or the old man who drove me home from work once and went on and on about his drinking escapades down at the Legion. However, sometimes you can get a real nutter as a driver, like the guy who was driving myself and a few friends to a bar one night and was going on about how he used to be a roadie for Alice Cooper back in the 70's (and the entire time he was talking he was looking at us in backseat, instead of looking at the road), swerving in and out of the downtown traffic like a rally driver.

Top 5 Fictional Cabbies:

  1. Travis Bickle - Robert DeNiro's character from Taxi Driver. An obvious choice.
  2. Samson - This was the character Mr. T played in the American classic D.C. Cab. I pity the foo' who wouldn't want Mr. T as a cab driver.
  3. The ghost cab driver from the end of Ghostbusters - I always appreciated the fact that even though this guy was dead, the minute he is able to return from the afterlife he goes back to his old job driving a taxi. That is work ethic and dedication, people.
  4. John Winger - This was Bill Murray's character from the great movie Stripes. In one of the best "quitting my job" scenes ever, he stops his cab (with his fare in the backseat) in the middle of rush hour on the Brooklyn Bridge and just walks off. We all secretly wish that we could quit a job with that much style and gumption.
  5. Tie: The cast of Taxi - I couldn't pick just one. Christopher Lloyd as the wacky "Reverend Jim Ignatowski", Judd Hirsch as the wise "Alex Reiger", and of course, who could forget, the incomparable Mr. Tony Danza. "Hold me closer, Tony Danza..."


  • At 11:13 a.m., Blogger Boost Ventilator said…

    Name that cabbie:

    "Ya know, the pills are made of monkey cum"

  • At 11:26 a.m., Blogger iaingillis said…

    The cabbie from KITH's Brain Candy, correct?

  • At 11:40 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can't believe you didn't mention 'chronic belching disease cabbie' ...because he actually exists!



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