Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Friday, April 28, 2006

I'm More Stoked Than Kirstie Alley At An All You Can Eat Buffet

Check out this teaser trailer for the upcoming "Strangers With Candy" movie on YouTube. You have no idea how badly I want to see this.

In other news, Kathryn's birthday is tomorrow. Happy 23rd! You're steadily marching along to your mid-20s. Then 30 is not too far away, and by that time 40 is just around the corner, then the big 5-0,...

Youth, like the flavour of Hubba Bubba gum, is fleeting.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The In Sound From Way Out

Check out this website for Jack White's new band: The Raconteurs. Techie nerds will love it because, of the site's interesting web design, while music fans will love it because there are two tracks in their Media section off of their upcoming album (May 15). Both songs sound pretty good, and if the rest of the band's material sounds anything like this, I think that I'm going to like this band.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Bank Robbery Rule #57: Get As Far Away From The Scene As Possible

Taxis, Germans, and Shitty House Music

I had the strangest cab ride yesterday. It was this young German guy, with bleach blond hair, these futuristic Matrix-style sunglasses, and this weird (but obviously quite expensive) leather bomber jacket. He was blasting some sort of bizarro Eurotrash techno/house/rave club music, and I do mean blasting. I felt like I was partying in Ibiza or something. Anyways, Dieter (I don't actually know the dude's name, but Dieter is a good German name, so there you go) was yakking away on his super-fancy cell phone with a friend the entire trip as well, laughing hysterically and talking in German, as Germans are wont to do. He was probably discussing the latest Kraftwerk album and complaining about how the clubs here in Canada are nowhere near as good as they are Europe (or so I would like to believe).

Did you ever see that Simpson's episode where Bart finds out that Grandpa was a member of the Flying Hellfish in WWII, and they end up finding out that the Hellfish treasure is really just artwork stolen from a German castle, and at the end of the episode the rightful German heir to those paintings meets them on the beach and takes them back and then yells, "Hey fun boys, get a room!", as he is driving off in his sports car while blasting techno music? That is what this cab driver reminded me of.

I love and hate taxis for this reason. You meet such strange characters driving in cabs. Some of them are harmless weirdos, like Dieter the Raver, or the old man who drove me home from work once and went on and on about his drinking escapades down at the Legion. However, sometimes you can get a real nutter as a driver, like the guy who was driving myself and a few friends to a bar one night and was going on about how he used to be a roadie for Alice Cooper back in the 70's (and the entire time he was talking he was looking at us in backseat, instead of looking at the road), swerving in and out of the downtown traffic like a rally driver.

Top 5 Fictional Cabbies:

  1. Travis Bickle - Robert DeNiro's character from Taxi Driver. An obvious choice.
  2. Samson - This was the character Mr. T played in the American classic D.C. Cab. I pity the foo' who wouldn't want Mr. T as a cab driver.
  3. The ghost cab driver from the end of Ghostbusters - I always appreciated the fact that even though this guy was dead, the minute he is able to return from the afterlife he goes back to his old job driving a taxi. That is work ethic and dedication, people.
  4. John Winger - This was Bill Murray's character from the great movie Stripes. In one of the best "quitting my job" scenes ever, he stops his cab (with his fare in the backseat) in the middle of rush hour on the Brooklyn Bridge and just walks off. We all secretly wish that we could quit a job with that much style and gumption.
  5. Tie: The cast of Taxi - I couldn't pick just one. Christopher Lloyd as the wacky "Reverend Jim Ignatowski", Judd Hirsch as the wise "Alex Reiger", and of course, who could forget, the incomparable Mr. Tony Danza. "Hold me closer, Tony Danza..."

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Current Obsessions

Movie: Thank You For Smoking - This movie was fantastic. Go see it. Right now.

TV: Food Jammers - If you put McGuyver and Julia Childs in a blender, this is what you would end up with.

Video games: Nintendo Gamecube - This thing is just a little black box of fun. This game in particular is probably going to monopolize my free time for a good while.

Food: The new Doritos flavour - Everytime a new flavour of Doritos comes out it's like Christmas to me. I think it's called "Sweet Hot Red Chili" or some such nonsense. I'm still waiting for Doritos to put out a bad flavour (heck, even Doritos Ketchup weren't too bad).

Comedy: Patton Oswalt - If any of you out there get a chance to see his new DVD, do it. You'll laugh till' you plotz.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Plumbers, and turtles, and mushrooms, oh my!

We're having a Mario Kart party at my place in the near future. Kathryn has dibs on Yoshi. That is all.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Grandma Likes To Kick Out The Jams!

Some poor soul found my blog last week by entering the following search string into a search engine:

"songs to put on a cd for grandma sad songs"

I doubt he or she found what they were looking for, but in case this ever happens again, I'll be ready. Here are my song selections for "A CD For Grandma".

Track 1: Journey - "Don't Stop Believin'"
Maybe Grandma is living just to find emotion. Maybe she's payin' anything to roll the dice, just one more time. Maybe she used to be a groupie and banged Steve Perry. Either way, a little Journey never hurt nobody, no way, no how.

Track 2: The Glenn Miller Orchestra - "Chattanooga Choo Choo"
Nothing will perk Grandma up more than a song that will stir up memories of the good ole days, when men were men, women were women, and the only things worth worrying about were Nazis, Commies, and the atomic bomb.

Track 3: Pulp - "Help The Aged"
Grandma will appreciate the fact that some of us youngsters still show the elderly a little bit of respect.

Track 4-10: Misc.
If Grandma is Italian, use any songs by Dean Martin and/or Frank Sinatra.
If Grandma is Irish, get some Irish tenors on there. "Danny Boy" is a must.
If Grandma is African-Canadian, some Billie Holiday or Ella Fitzgerald would be nice.
If Grandma is Polish, load up on polkas.
If Grandma is German, get some nice brass band music (although you should try to avoid any songs with the word "Putsch" in it)

Track 11: Li'l Jon - "Get Crunk"
Because sometimes, Granny just wants to get all CRUNK up in this beeatch! What?! Okayeee! Yeah, YEEAHHH!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

U.S. Teacher Fakes Cancer, Gets Busted

Let me repeat that title: U.S. Teacher Fakes Cancer, Gets Busted.

Maybe it's because this story hits a bit close to home for me, but I sincerely hope karma exists and that this lady actually gets stomach cancer. This shit makes my stomach turn. Some people.

"It feels good, when you know you're down / A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown..."

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the MC HAMMER blog.

What else is there to say? Now, if I could only find the Kriss Kross and Young MC blogs...

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A King Needs His Throne...

I found it! It was only a matter of time. What have I found? Gold? Diamonds? A VHS copy of "The Monster Squad"? Xenu? No, no. What I have found is MUCH more valuable than those things...

I have found THE PERFECT OFFICE WASHROOM.

Every office building has one. That one beautiful, pristine, solitary bastion, in which a man can sit down, relax, "do his business", as it were, and contemplate the mysteries of the universe. I need to take 2 different elevators to get to it, but it is worth it. Spacious, clean, well-stocked with toilet paper, paper towels, and soap. A fine restroom indeed. As a bonus, it is on a floor that is not heavily populated, so there is no heavy traffic in and out. I must keep this a secret. It is my special place now. My secret garden. My precious.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Yes, There Are People Who Still Buy CDs...

Some compact discs I've picked up in the last little while:

Editors - "The Back Room" - Some British dudes. I just picked it up, so I haven't really listened to it yet, but what I heard in the listening post at HMV was good. Although, if I hear one more band compared to Joy Division, I'll plotz. Every new buzz band that comes out does not necessarily sound like Joy Division, despite what every music critic wants you to believe.

The Ramones - Road To Ruin
The Ramones - End Of The Century - This means that I now have the first 5 five studio albums by The Ramones. And yes, I know that one Ramones album sounds just like the next Ramones album, but with a formula as good as they had, who could blame them? Gabba gabba hey, indeed.

The Cardigans - Super Extra Gravity - This is a long way from "Lovefool", let me tell ya. I have listened to this one too much, but each time I do it grows a little bit on me. Also, not to play the ogling male or anything, but Nina Persson is, as my good friend Paris would say, "Totally hot."

Del tha Funky Homosapien - The Best of Del tha Funky Homosapien: The Elektra Years - Hip hop don't make 'em like this anymore. A good compilation of one of my favorite rappers.

Eric B. & Rakim - Gold - Hip hop definitely don't make 'em like this anymore. Aside from a few questionable song choices, this is what the jacket says it is: GOLD.

Bruce Springsteen - Born in the U.S.A. - It's The Boss, fer crissakes.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Odds & Ends

- I enjoyed watching the Junos on the telly Sunday, despite the inherit lameness that all award shows possess. Pamela Anderson should know better than to make seal clubbing jokes in a province full of fishermen. Jann Arden's crack about her bra being made of baby seal eyelids was pretty funny. Hedley proved my rant about them was spot on by delivering a fugly performance. I think the singer might have some kind of nervous system disorder or something.

- The Detroit Tigers for World Series champs in '06. 1-0 baby. Only 161 more games to go.

- Dylan Moran is a funny guy. Like, really funny.

- I got new shoes. These shoes, to be exact. In black. They is comfy.

- Ketchup chips are good to eat.

- Cab drivers in this city are INSANE IN THEIR MEMBRANES. I'd like to get to my destination in one piece, sir. This isn't the Dakar Rally.

- I finally joined the rest of civilization and began reading The DaVinci Code. So far, I like.

- I bought a cheap-ass crib board. I can finally start embracing my true Cape Breton heritage. Next order of business: buying some Bingo markers and learning Tarbish.