Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Friday, October 28, 2005

Little Boys Love Candy...

Last year around this time I posted a list of 5 of the crappiest things to get while trick-or-treating, and I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today, so here goes another listy.

5 Of The Cruddiest Halloween Treats

  1. Candy Cigarettes: Let's be honest now: did anybody out there actually enjoy these things? You could probably just hand out pieces of chalk for the kiddies to gnaw on, and they probably couldn't tell the difference. And I never remember seeing Popeye smoking. How could a man who was basically a poster boy for green vegetables end up hawking those nasty little sticks of flavourless candy?

  2. Jelly Beans: Sorry people, jelly beans are Easter candy. Plain and simple. And they're not that good during Easter, either. Add to the fact that since Halloween jelly beans invariably come in 2 colours, orange and black, roughly half of your bean stash is going to be black licorice flavour. I realize that there are some weirdos out there who get all hot and bothered over black licorice, but I for one do not.

  3. Peppermints: Peppermints are a definite Halloween no-no. Peppermints are something you get when you go to Grandma's house, right next to the bowl of licorice all-sorts and chicken bones.

  4. Gum: Let's just set the record straight here once and for all: GUM IS NOT CANDY. Chiclets are crap. And that's all I have to say about that.

  5. Those Halloween Caramel Things: Yes, I know that I put these on the list last year, but I just hate them so much! And you always got so many, since they were always among the cheapest candy to buy. My loathing for those nasty caramels knows no bounds.

5 Comments:

  • At 12:43 PM, Blogger Sean said…

    It is my firm belief that the best hallowe'en treat ever is a chocolate bar. With nuts, with caramel, all by itself, whatever. As long as it involves chocolate.

    Preferably the full sized convenience store type. None of this teeny economy sized convenience bars now.

     
  • At 5:03 PM, Anonymous Gise//e said…

    I heard that Steven Segall gives out fistfulls of money if you're willing to make the trip to the Hollywood Hills.

     
  • At 10:48 PM, Blogger kait said…

    I love candy cigaretts and chicken bones.

     
  • At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You're an idiot, all of those candies kick ass -- move to Iraq you fascist.

     
  • At 8:55 AM, Blogger iaingillis said…

    People who like those Halloween caramel things hate freedom. I love freedom. If Saddam Hussein were to hand out candy at Halloween, that's what he would hand out. USA! USA! USA!

     

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