Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Monday, March 28, 2005

Step To The Wu

Saturday, March 26, 2005

This Band Will Change Your Life

So I'm thinking about starting up a band. It will be called Big Fun And The New Happiness. I'm not sure what the band is going to sound like, except that there is going to be a major emphasis on the keytar. The look will be an amalgam of this:

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and this:

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and, of course, this:

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The subject matter of the songs will run the gamut of several important topics, such as: teen suicide, going to the mall, teen pregnancy, French kissing, teen violence, having fun, and teen suicide (don't do it).

Those interested in auditioning for the band can contact me at the following address (Send a recent headshot, and a 1500 word essay describing what you think Big Fun And The New Happiness means to you.):

"Diamond" Iain Gillis
6200 Delapitated Factory Lane
Behind The Abandoned Textile Plant
Cityville, Canada

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

It Ain't Me Babe

Further evidence that Bob Dylan and Hollywood executives are both bat-shit crazy.

If a movie was going to be made about my life, here is my shortlist of people who I would want to portray my "inner blackness":

1. Don Cheadle (He's on a roll these days.)
2. Chuck D (This would also make for a kick ass soundtrack.)
3. Morgan Freeman (For a touch of class.)
4. Cedric The Entertainer (He could also portray my "inner fatman".)
5. Billy Dee Williams (Come on man, it's Billy Dee!)

My "inner Latino" would be played by either Cheech Marin or Benicio Del Toro, and my "inner Asian" would be portrayed by Jackie Chan, naturally.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

"I am going, I am going, Where streams of whiskey are flowing." - from "Streams Of Whiskey", by The Pogues

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Friday, March 11, 2005

Mikey Are You OK, Are You OK Mikey?

Check out this article that a friend of mine wrote about "The Gloved One":

What Entertain Meant: The Industry of Michael Jackson

"Michael, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)"


- From the song "Ben", slightly modified.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Dandy Brian Jonestown Warholian Massacre

Movie Recommendation: DIG!

A documentary about the trials and tribulations of two bands, The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. This movie has it all: rock and roll, drugs, fights, arrogant musicians, vans, drugs, fights, drinking, fights, vans, and drugs. This is basically a Spinal Tap for the indie rock crowd, except that this story was real.

Monday, March 07, 2005

The Question

The job interview. Just the thought of it can conjure up feelings of dread in even the stoutest of individuals. All of that pressure and attention, focused squarely on YOU. Stay calm. Stay calm. Breathe. Smile. Don't lie. Don't tell the truth. Tell them what they want to hear. Make them think that hiring anybody else for this position would be a grievous error that will haunt them for the remainder of their waking lives. Who are you kidding - you don't even know what the hell you are applying for. What the hell is a Head Technical Lead anyways? When is this going to be over? Where's my mommy?

Interviews have never really bothered me, except for one part. This question has invariably come up in every interview I have ever done: "So, Mr. Gillis, what do you think are some weaknesses that you possess?" I hate this question with every fibre of my being. It's not that I have a problem with listing my weaknessess. In fact, I am quite good at listing my weaknesses. Too good. If the interviewers gave me a few hours, I could show them, in explicit detail, every single one of my weaknesses and character flaws. I'd have pie graphs, and flow charts, and Power Point presentations. I would wow them with my extensive knowledge of my own flaws and ineptitudes. Now, I do realize that all an interviewer is trying to establish with the question is how you will deal (or plan to deal) with your own limitations. All you have to say is some bullshit like, "I am slightly lacking in leadership abilities, and I plan to do this, this, and this to improve them." Accentuate the positive. That seems easy enough, but my first instinct whenever I am asked that question is to blurt out, "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'll tell the truth! I can't do this job! I'm incompetent! A fraud! I'm sorry! I have no marketable skills! Please don't hurt me!" I never say this of course, but I feel this, even if I don't believe it. I get this tight feeling in my chest, and start thinking "Well, here it is. Here's where they expose your lie. They've finally found you out."

I hate that question. Fuck that question. Only a sadist could ask a question like that. It is the Godzilla of interview questions, and I am Japan.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Oh Corey, We Hardly Knew Ye

The Top 5 Corey Feldman Movies

  1. The Goonies
    Perhaps Corey's breakout role. As Clark "Mouth" Devereaux, Feldman taught us all about life, love, and the pursuit of pirate booty. When he was trying to get Chunk to do the Truffle Shuffle, he was trying to get all of us to do the Truffle Shuffle; Corey wanted all of us to realize the limitless potential we had deep inside.

  2. License To Drive
    Ah, the two Coreys on screen at the same time - a cinephile's dream! This movie taught me a valuable lesson: chicks dig dudes with cars. I have used this simple yet transcendant philosophy to guide me through some dark periods in my life; in a way, that philosophy is my I Ching.

  3. The Burbs
    Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking - technically, this was a Tom Hanks vehicle, but we all know who the real star of this little picture was. Every neighborhood should have a Ricky Butler type character living there. He was the whiskey that Irished up the coffee.

  4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
    The Feldman may not have been in the guy in the turtle suit in this one, but nobody could mistake that voice. As Donatello, the "intellectual" ninja turtle, Corey had to undertake the daunting task of getting into the mind of a mutated, half-man, half-turtle, all-ninja abmomination of nature. And he did just that. But he did more. Feldman's sensitive portrayal of Donatello, especially during the scenes in which the turtles were in the country, still smarting over their defeat at the hands of the Foot Clan, showed us that their is a bit of Ninja Turtle in all of us. That, my friends, comforts me to no end.

  5. The Lost Boys
    The two Coreys, a Sutherland, vampires, the killer 80's soundtrack - what's not to like?