Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Friday, November 26, 2004

The Moving Picture Shows Ain't As Good As They Used To Be

In the last few weeks I've noticed that the majority of major motion pictures out in the theatres now are absolute wastes of time. So, in that vain, here are the:

5 Movies That You Could Not Pay Me To Go See Right Now

  1. Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason
    I read that there is a scene in the film were Bridget is thrown into a Thai prison, where she proceeds to lead her fellow cellmates into a sing-along of the Madonna song "Like A Virgin". Yeah. This sounds fucking fantastic.

  2. National Treasure
    The latest Nicholas Cage film (Strike One). Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer (Strike Two.) The "plot": A man (Cage) discovers a long guarded secret concerning the whereabouts of some sort of treasure, discovered by the Knights Templar and guarded by the Freemasons. The treasure map is on the back of the Declaration of Independence. What the fuck? (Strike Three, yer' out!)

  3. Surviving Christmas
    Christmas movie. Ben Affleck. Christmas movie. Ben Affleck. Christmas movie. Ben Affleck. Christmas movie. The longer you keep saying that in your head, the less and less you want to see this film.

  4. Ladder 49
    I liked this better back when it was called Backdraft. Wait a second, no I didn't.

  5. Shall We Dance?
    Fuck no.

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