Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Friday, November 19, 2004

The Future Cast Of Hollywood Squares, 2045 A.D.

The 5 Most Annoying "Celebrities"

Paris Hilton

In my mind, this waste of oxygen represents everything that is awful about our wonderful celebrity culture. Apparently all it takes to be a newsworthy celebrity in this society is to inherit a shitload of money, make a low-quality sex tape, and act like a dizzy, spoiled brat (although I doubt that it is much of an act). The fact that I see her praying mantis-like mug on my T.V. every night must mean that the Apocalypse is near.

Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil is better than you. He knows how you should lead your life, because you are too thickheaded and ignorant to change on your own. He is all knowing and all powerful. Do not question Dr. Phil. I feel that I have a special connection with Dr. Phil, since we're both such "straight shooters". Here's some "straight talk" for you, Dr. Phil: you're an asshole.

Sean "Puffy" Combs

So, music producer samples a song by The Police and dedicates it to his dead friend. Said friend happens to be a very popular rapper, music producer earns millions of dollars riding on the coattails of dead friend. Mainstream hip hop goes down the shitter. Annoyed by the fact that every rap video today has pseudo-thugs flashing diamond-studded watches, drinking champagne, driving Hummers and fondling strippers? Blame this douchebag.

Britney Spears

Now that Britney is focusing on her marriage and home life, and her career has been slowing down, it has been fun to watch her slowly morph from "America's Perfect Pop Princess" to "America's Richest Trailer Trash Mama". Apparently she wants to go to college now as well. That's funny. I didn't think any college's offered degrees in "Advanced Redneckology".

Anna Nicole Smith

An intellectual black hole.


  • At 8:35 a.m., Blogger Kathryn said…

    you forgot martin lawrence. keanu reeves. jessica simpson and the wayan brothers.

    really, five is not a long enough list!


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