Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

You Never Had A Halloween Costume This Good

A tad late, I know, but here is an article from Cockeyed.com, detailing the creation of a Dr. Octopus Halloween costume. Check out the rest of the site too, lots of interesting stuff, especially the How Much Is Inside? section.

Monday, November 29, 2004

We Be Clubbin'

Check out Halifax's latest local publication, Nxet Magazine. I have not read it yet, but judging from their website, I can make an educated guess that it is shittier than a Port-O-Potty at Woodstock.

Third post of the day. Must be a record or something.

Well, that was three hours that I'll never get back.

Alexander: the only thing "epic" about Oliver Stone's latest movie is how unbearably tedious it is. Bah. Oliver's gonna have to pull some crazy shit to recover from this mess. I suggest "JFK 2: Electric Boogaloo".

Droppin' Some Science

Blowing up comets. Man, how I envy the guy whose job title is "NASA's Chief Comet Blower-Upper".

National Parks on Mars. These promise to be way cooler than the regular national parks, with all of their dumb trees and animals and shit.

Friday, November 26, 2004

The Moving Picture Shows Ain't As Good As They Used To Be

In the last few weeks I've noticed that the majority of major motion pictures out in the theatres now are absolute wastes of time. So, in that vain, here are the:

5 Movies That You Could Not Pay Me To Go See Right Now

  1. Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason
    I read that there is a scene in the film were Bridget is thrown into a Thai prison, where she proceeds to lead her fellow cellmates into a sing-along of the Madonna song "Like A Virgin". Yeah. This sounds fucking fantastic.

  2. National Treasure
    The latest Nicholas Cage film (Strike One). Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer (Strike Two.) The "plot": A man (Cage) discovers a long guarded secret concerning the whereabouts of some sort of treasure, discovered by the Knights Templar and guarded by the Freemasons. The treasure map is on the back of the Declaration of Independence. What the fuck? (Strike Three, yer' out!)

  3. Surviving Christmas
    Christmas movie. Ben Affleck. Christmas movie. Ben Affleck. Christmas movie. Ben Affleck. Christmas movie. The longer you keep saying that in your head, the less and less you want to see this film.

  4. Ladder 49
    I liked this better back when it was called Backdraft. Wait a second, no I didn't.

  5. Shall We Dance?
    Fuck no.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

My Backpack's Got Jets...

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

The W Cometh

Goodies From The Interweb

Film Threat's Frigid 50. This is Film Threat's annual list of the "coldest" people in Hollywood? How will Ashton place this year? Will Lindsay Lohan place ahead of rival Hilary Duff? Are people finally getting tired of Tom Hanks? Inquiring minds have gots to know!

Molatar's Castle. This website makes the Baby Jesus cry.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My Headache Has A First Name, It's J-A-G-E-R...

Since I'm too tired to think today, here's a story about some dolphins who saved some swimmers, or something.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Weird Science

Let's All Bask In T.V.'s Warm, Glowing, Warming Glow.

Arrested Development: The best new show on television, and dat's da truf. Sho'nuff.

Friday, November 19, 2004

The Future Cast Of Hollywood Squares, 2045 A.D.

The 5 Most Annoying "Celebrities"

Paris Hilton

In my mind, this waste of oxygen represents everything that is awful about our wonderful celebrity culture. Apparently all it takes to be a newsworthy celebrity in this society is to inherit a shitload of money, make a low-quality sex tape, and act like a dizzy, spoiled brat (although I doubt that it is much of an act). The fact that I see her praying mantis-like mug on my T.V. every night must mean that the Apocalypse is near.

Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil is better than you. He knows how you should lead your life, because you are too thickheaded and ignorant to change on your own. He is all knowing and all powerful. Do not question Dr. Phil. I feel that I have a special connection with Dr. Phil, since we're both such "straight shooters". Here's some "straight talk" for you, Dr. Phil: you're an asshole.

Sean "Puffy" Combs

So, music producer samples a song by The Police and dedicates it to his dead friend. Said friend happens to be a very popular rapper, music producer earns millions of dollars riding on the coattails of dead friend. Mainstream hip hop goes down the shitter. Annoyed by the fact that every rap video today has pseudo-thugs flashing diamond-studded watches, drinking champagne, driving Hummers and fondling strippers? Blame this douchebag.

Britney Spears

Now that Britney is focusing on her marriage and home life, and her career has been slowing down, it has been fun to watch her slowly morph from "America's Perfect Pop Princess" to "America's Richest Trailer Trash Mama". Apparently she wants to go to college now as well. That's funny. I didn't think any college's offered degrees in "Advanced Redneckology".

Anna Nicole Smith

An intellectual black hole.















Thursday, November 18, 2004

H.O.P.E.

Now, here is an organization that I can get behind: H.O.P.E.. I'd love to start a Canadian chapter of this group.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Scary Things From Japan That Are Not Godzilla

Here are some links to a couple of my favorite bands of the moment, who both hail from the land of giant radioactive lizards and pain-inducing game shows, Japan.

Guitar Wolf
Peelander-Z

Rock In Japan


So it looked like the voting for my blog photo was going to be a clean sweep for "Gettin' My Lean On", but "Anybody Want A Babysitter" got a vote yesterday afternoon to get on the board. So far it's 5 votes for "Lean on", and just the one for "Babysitter". The polls are open until Friday, so if you haven't chimed in yet, hop to it. Check out my Monday post for the details. Democracy has never looked so good.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

You know what, somebody should really make some Green Bean Casserole flavoured soda. That would be fantastic.

Just in time for the holidays. The folks over at Jones Soda are tripping balls. For reals yo.


Check out the jams I be rockin' at work. You knows that I gots to be keepin' it reals, all day, everyday, sucka. Believe dat.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Choose. Choose And Perish.

The resident photog at work snapped some pictures Friday, during our weekly end-of-week hooch-fest. Since I've wanted to get a picture up on the ol' blog profile for a while, I thought I might use one of these. However, I'm having trouble deciding on what picture to use, so I'm leaving it up to you, my beloved fans. Here are the options:

This first one I call "Anybody Want A Babysitter?". By the way, I'm not drunk in this photo - that's just an optical illusion. Seriously.


The second option is one I like to call "Gettin' My Lean On".


Once you've decided which photo would be best to represent yours truly on the Interweb, then tell me if I should have it in colour or black-and-white.



To vote for your choice, add a comment at the bottom of this post (or send me an electronic mail, or "e-mail", as we say in the industry). Democracy in action. Rock the vote. And so on.

P.S. - R.I.P. O.D.B.

Science Corner 2: Electric Boogaloo

National Geographic Online. These peeps have been on the science tip since 1888. Recognize, beeatches.

Friday, November 12, 2004

It's List Time, Gabba Gabba Hey!

I've been listening to a lot of Ramones records recently, so here is a Ramones inspired list. One, two, three, four...

My 5 Favorite Ramones Cover Songs

  1. "Let's Dance"
    from Ramones, 1976, Sire Records

    This is a song that perfectly demonstrates the Ramones' love of pre-British Invasion rock and roll. Originally a hit for Los Angeles rocker Chris Montez, "Let's Dance" makes you want to get up and do just what the title suggests. Some of the best fun you can have in under two minutes.

  2. "California Sun"
    from Leave Home, 1977, Sire Records

    Composed by the songwriting team of Henry Glover and Morris Levy, and made famous by The Rivieras, you can basically smell the suntan lotion and surf board wax off of this track. The Ramones were fascinated with the California surf culture, and this song was their first and best (in my humble opinion) kick at that can. Although I don't think that leather jackets and ripped jeans would have made the best surfing attire.

  3. Do You Wanna Dance?
    from Rocket To Russia, 1977, Sire Records

    This Ramones' version of the Bobby Freeman classic is one minute and fifty-five seconds of pure hook-laden R&B fun. At a time when most punk bands were more interested in fighting their audiences than asking them to dance, the "bruddas from Queens" just wanted to dance with their honeys "under the moonlight". How punk is that?

  4. Needles And Pins
    from Road To Ruin, 1978, Sire Records

    Written by Sonny Bono and Jack Nitzsche, and sung by, among others, Cher, this song proves that the Ramones can still sound good when not playing at their usual breakneck speed. Punk rock for the sensitive types, if you will. One of my favorite Joey Ramone vocal performances. Who knew that the gangly bastard could tug at the heartstrings so well?

  5. My Back Pages
    from Acid Eaters, 1993, Radioactive Records

    Bob who? The Ramones took this Dylan song and made it their own, as only the Ramones could. I don't think Bob Dylan ever sounded better (cue hate mail in 5,4,3,2...).

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Muzak

I stole this link from a friend: This Day In Music. It tells you what the No.1 U.S and U.K singles were on your birthday (or, if you're rapper 50-Cent, your "berfday"). WARNING: The page asks you for an email address, so unless you enjoy tons of spam (and who doesn't? I like spam and eggs best, myself), use a phoney email address. I suggest "guyincognito@yomommashouse.org". My birthday chart-toppers:

The U.S. No.1 on the 3rd June 1979 was... "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer
Fitting, don't you think?
The U.K. No.1 on the 3rd June 1979 was... "Sunday Girl" by Blondie
I can live with this. Much cooler than Donna Summer.


Forget what year Right Said Fred released their hit single "I'm Too Sexy"? Can't remember who the lead singer was in Bananarama? Boning up on music trivia for your next Trivial Pursuit game? The All Music Guide has got the hook up. Holla.


In local music news, Slowcoaster is finally putting out a new CD. Buy it. That is all.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

It's A Rough Job, But Somebody's Got To Do It

Last night I watched 4 pet store employees crawl around on their hands and knees for about 15 minutes, trying to capture a runaway gecko or some such thing. It was kind of refreshing, and I'll have to remember that image anytime I think about complaining about my job in the future. It must be really fun when the tarantulas, monitor lizards, and Emperor scorpions get loose.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Science Corner

Instead of the usual boring weekend activity wrap-up, I think I may start posting links to interesting science thingies on Mondays from now on. If this here blog is about anything, it's about the learnin'.

Indian scientists have developed a beer that protects your liver. Finally, modern science has done something useful for society.

Stephen Hawking. Seemed fitting for the inaugural edition of Science Corner.

Friday, November 05, 2004

"I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war."

Top 5 Quotes From Dubyaspeak.com

  1. "Think how far Iraq has come from the days of torture chambers and mass graves, and the brutal reign of a barbaric tyrant." - Sioux City, Iowa, Nov. 1, 2004

    Yup, Iraq's a veritable paradise these days. Spring Break 2005 In Fallujah here I come!!!

  2. "When you have your own money, it means you've got more money to spend." - Greensboro, North Carolina, July 25, 2002

    Even Dr. Spock couldn't argue with that logic.

  3. "Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better." - In press conference with Jean Chretien, Sept. 24, 2001

    Are you kidding me? More Mexicans are crossing the Mexican-Canadian border in the dead of night than ever before. We should really lock that border down or something.

  4. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." - Rome, July 22, 2001

    In the dictionary under redundant it says "See redundant."

  5. "It was amazing I won. I was running against peace and prosperity and incumbency." - Sweden, June 14, 2001

    Ladies and gentlemen, the leader of the most powerful nation in the world. It's gonna be an interesting four years.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Some Non-Election Related Sheeit

The first arcade game. Man, that machine is a sexy beast! The world of tomorrow, today!

Running out of shit to blow up on Earth, scientists are branching out and blowing up comets. You're next, Jupiter.

Nostalgia Alert: Turbo Teen. This 1980's cartoon was about a dude who could turn himself into a red sportscar. I used to watch it often. It sucked ass, but I was young and stupid. The fact that somebody actually decided to devote a webpage to this abomination of animation is quite sad indeed.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Windom Earle: The Complete Discography

"This is the end, my only friend, the end."

Newsflash: Elections are fucking boring. In other news, thank the gods I live in this frozen wasteland we call Canada. Sure, the roving packs of timber wolves are kind of annoying, and my house has been buried by avalanche at least six times, but it could be much worse.(P.S. - hi Giselle).

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Great Bawls Of Fire!

At the faculty's Halloween party Friday night, my co-worker Sean and I invented a new shot: the Great Bawls Of Fire. Mix one part Dr. McGillicuddy Fireball Whiskey with one part Bawls (an energy drink popular in the nerd community). After trying one, I have decided to never invent a shooter again. From now on I think I'll just stick with the old standards, like the tequila shot: mix one part tequila with one part horrible wretching.