Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Friday, August 06, 2004

Faster, Stronger, Whatever

In honour of the upcoming Athens Summer Games, here is my list of the worst (in my opinion) events.

Bottom 5 Summer Olympic Sports

This is almost the equivalent of watching people play darts on TV. This is a sport that seriously needs spicing up. For example, you could put the archers on horseback. Or, instead of a target, have a dude with an apple on his head. Or dress them all up in Robin Hood costumes. Whatever. As it stands now, archery is about one rung below Skeet Shooting on the excitement ladder.

Don't get me wrong: I like basketball. It's one of the few sports I can actually play with some level of skill. I am just sick and tired of seeing the U.S. team steamroll over every nation they face, every friggin year! In pre-Olympic action this year, the U.S. lost to Italy. Here's to hoping this trend continues.

Rhythmic Gymnastics
This "sport" is retarded. Seriously. End of story.

Look, if I wanted to watch roided up freaks of nature sweat and grunt for a few hours, I'd watch Major League Baseball. At least baseball has fun organ music.

Yeah, yeah, "Olympic" or "Amateur" style wrestling is "real" wrestling, and professional wrestling is basically a testosterone-fueled soap opera, but until the Olympic committee allows piledrivers, folding chairs, shady managers to be used in wrestling, I'll stick with the fake kind, thank you very much.


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