Sad Songs Are Nature's Onions

"For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness Remedies, cousin I be doin on my enemies Penalty, then I drink forties to they memories" - "Release Yo' Delf" by Method Man

Monday, May 31, 2004

Monday = Funday!

So I was bored out of my mind yesterday and decided to stop by the local cinema to catch a movie. That movie was Van Helsing. If horrible writing, an incoherent plot, terrible acting, and ridiculous CGI special effects make a good movie, than this is one of the best movies I have ever seen. I was holding out hope that I would enjoy this, seeing as how I've always had a thing for the old Universal monster movies, like "Dracula" and "The Wolfman". I thought it would be good, cheesy, popcorn fun. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Some films are so bad that you can't even laugh at them. This was one of them.

My birthday is coming up (June 3). 25 years old. A quarter of a century. The march to middle age begins in earnest. Here is my possible itinerary for my birthday weekend (for those in Halifax, contact my ass and join the festivities and buy me booze):

Thursday, June 3: After work, go to Tom's, get Aglio E Olio (pasta with garlic, olive oil, crushed chilies, Parmesan), have several pints, reflect on the last 25 years of my existence. There is a slight possibility that I'll go to Hell's Kitchenat The Marquee to see Eugene Ripper. We'll see.

Friday, June 4: See Mark Bragg And The Black Wedding Band at Stage 9, Halifax's newest live music venue. Be there. Buy me booze.

Saturday, June 5: If the weather is decent, lounge around on the waterfront all day and swing by Sackville Landing to check out Tumbleweed 4, the all day, FREE outdoor rock concert. The Spincycle Squared are on the bill. Alfred Remo is a rock star. It's gonna be fun kids.

Friday, May 28, 2004

Taste The Waste

In the fine tradition of this blog (that's about 2 weeks old), I present to you the Friday List!

Iain's Top Five "Beers Of The World"

  1. Harp (Ireland) - This is what Alexander Keith's would taste like if it was brewed by angels.

  2. Corona (Mexico) - Open the bottle. Add slice of lime. Drink. Repeat as needed. Have a siesta. Muy bueno.

  3. Stella Artois (Belgium) - You can't help but feel classy drinking this beer. Even the cans are classy. Top drawer.

  4. Foster's (Australia) - This is quite a good beer, in my opinion, but the best part is that it comes a these huge cans. True, by the end of the can, the beer is kind warm, but they sure look cool. You feel like Crocodile Dundee when you're drinking out of one of these bad boys.

  5. Kronenberg 1664 (France) - This is a new addition to my drinking rotation, and it fits in quite nicely, thank you very much. Plus, I like the fact that there's a date in the name. I don't know why, I just do.

Any peeps in the Halifax area should swing by The Planet tomorrow to check out Slowcoaster. If you see me there, buy me a drink sucka!

How bout some cartoons!

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Get your freak on...

So I'm going to "Retro Night" at the Marquee Club tonight with a few friends. Yippee, all the Kris Kross, C&C Music Factory, and Bananarama one could ever want. Score. Wish me luck, and here's to hoping I don't get shot in the gut (check the report for May 23).

Is it just me, or does brocolli not belong on a pizza at all? The same goes for zucchini.

Save me, Jeebus!

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Gettin "Gigli" With It

So I finally had a chance to see what many have called one of the worst movies of all time, Gigli. I simply had to see it for myself. What a mistake. As for my opinion of the movie, I'll leave it as this: those are 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back. Also, how the hell did the producers convince Christopher Walken AND Al Pacino to become involved in this shit?!

***** SPOILER ALERT *****
Not that anybody would care about me revealing the ending to Gigli, if you haven't seen the film yet and simply cannot bear to have the experience ruined, skip the rest of this paragraph. There are basically 3 main actors in the film; Ben Affleck, J.Lo, and Justin Bartha. Bartha plays a mentally challenged kid who is kidnapped by Affleck (don't ask) in order to put pressure on the kid's federal prosecuter brother (again, don't ask). Throughout the entire movie, Bartha's character wants to go to the beach (or, "the Baywatch", as he refers to it). So, lots of stuff happens, and at the end, Ben and J.Lo end up taking the poor little guy to the beach (hooray). Then, after Ben and J.Lo decide to ride off into the sunset together (J.Lo plays a lesbian, by the way, but still falls for Ben's wily charms. Yup), they leave the mentally challenged kid at the beach, by himself! What the fuck! How irresponsible! Fuck this shit movie!

In happier news, I purchased the new Ween concert DVD today. I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

There's no place like home...

The wedding reception last night went well. I had a chance to hang out with a few people I haven't seen in a long while, and there was none of the potential awkwardness that could have accompanied the situation; just a pleasant evening eating various forms of pasta and potato salads, drinking, and dancing to crappy music with friends. Good stuff. I even kept the drinking to a fair minimum (for me)and awoke this morning hangover free. Good stuff indeed.

Friday night I went out to the Capri Club with some other friends. It got me thinking back to when I had just turned 19 and was living in Sydney for the summer. My little group of friends and I spent at least one night a week at that bar it seemed, which is kind of odd considering that it may be one of the crappiest bars I've ever been privy to get knackered in. The Capri (or Crapi as I like to call it) is a smallish dance bar in "beautiful downtown Sydney". They used to have these crazy $1 drink specials, so it was one of the more crowded bars in town. The combination of large, liqoured up crowds and small space usually added up to quite an uncomfortable situation. The floors were always sticky, it was usually way too hot, and the music usually never strayed too far from the usual Top 40 pop crap most bars in this province seem to play. Despite all of this, I usually had a fun time (although I suppose that after downing 13 gin and cranberries, I'd have a good time just about anywhere). I guess that it was just the fact that I was with my friends that made it fun, and not the bar itself, but the Crapi definitely became one of the focal points for my weekend fun. I mean, it was that, or go to Smooth Herman's (the other (in)famous late night dive in Sydney). Seriously, if anybody reading this is not originally from Sydney and plans to visit, stay as far away from Smooth Herman's as you possibly can. Trust me.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Friday List-orama!

Top 5 Toys I Loved When I Was A Young Lad

  1. Transformers - It goes without saying that Transformers were some of the coolest toys ever produced in the history of the known universe. "Hey look, it's a robot. Whoa dude, check it out, now it's a jeep! Awesome!" The only Transformers who didn't make sense to me were the ones that turned into boom boxes. I mean, come on now, the rest of the Autobots and Decepticons get to turn into sports cars and jets, and all Soundwave (Decepticon) and Blaster (Autobot) can do is turn into a tape deck?! Talk about getting the short end of the stick. On the plus side however, the cassettes that came with the tape deck dudes turned into birds and wolves and shit. Rad.

  2. Hotwheels/Micro Machines - Now I know Hot Wheels and Micro Machines are technically two different things, but I still categorize them both under the "really tiny automobile replicas" genre. I remember having a ton of these little bastards back in the day. Hot Wheels were an essential part of one of my favorite childhood games: "Dinky Car Smash-up Derby". The game consisted of two Hot Wheels cars (one for myself, one for my brother), lining them up, and then crashing them into each other. Whichever car stayed on its wheels won. Brilliant

  3. He-Man - I remember one Halloween my brother and I went out dressed as Skeletor and He-Man, respectively. Yeah, we were big into the cartoon and toys. We had this castle-like thing called "Snake Mountain", and the giant snake head had this weird "microphone" thingy in it that made your voice sound all funny. Plus there was a guy called "Stinkor", who actually stunk. Really.

  4. Starcom - These toys consisted of various spacecraft that had little metal plates strategically placed on them, and little cosmonauts with little magnet feet (and cool little visors on their helmets). The cosmonaut dudes had cool names too, like "Capt. Pete Yablonski". Sweet.

  5. M.U.S.C.L.E. Wrestlers - Based on some weird Japanese cartoon, these were little one inch tall pink wrestlers. There were over 200 of these things, and only two of them had names; "Muscle Man" (the main good guy), and "Terri Bull" (the main bad guy). The rest looked like rejected Batman villains.

Honourable mention goes to Fireball Island. While technically not a toy (it was a board game), it was definitely one of the better things my brother and I owned. The object was to get your little plastic adventurer up to the top of a mountain (which was actually a board game sized 3D plastic mountain - very cool) and retrieve a jewel. Sounds boring, but at the top of the mountain is this giant scary head, which spits "fireballs" (little red marbles) at your poor little man-shaped token and knocks his sorry ass back down the mountain. I'll take that over Monopoly any day of the week.

The electric yellow's got me by the brain banana...

So I'm going to Sydney this weekend for my ex-girlfriend's wedding reception. This may sound weird, but I'm actually looking forward to it. The whole thing could just end up being a few hours of excruciating akwardness, but I seriously doubt it (and if it does come to that, I'm sure there will be plenty of booze around).

So I just read an article about the recent bombing of a wedding party in Iraq by the U.S. military, and a particular quote stuck out at me:

Gen. James Mattis of the U.S. Marine Corps, said his troops have nothing to apologize for, adding, "Let's not be naive, bad things happen in wars."

"Bad things happen in wars." Yeah, bad things happen in wars when you bomb a wedding party! It boggles the mind that somebody could actually throw off such a flippant and insensitive remark like that. Jesus.

Take a few breaths, count to 10...wind in the willows, wind in the willows. Okay, I'm better now. How bout some links to bring back the levity. Shazam!

Hardy har har

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Sandwich Artist My A$$

Begin rant:

So I went to lunch today at the Subway on Spring Garden Road, as I often do. It seems like everytime I get there, it's right in the middle of the lunchtime rush. I don't mind this, because the line seems to move fairly fast. What bothers me is the supervisor that is usually on duty at this time. Her sole job seems to be to stress out the line workers, tell them that they are doing everything wrong, and generally berate them in front of the customers. I mean, the "Sandwich Artists" are doing the best they can to keep the line moving as fast as possible, all the while trying to make a sub that looks somewhat edible when it's all finished. The thing that pisses me off the most though is when the supervisor becomes so exasperated with the inneptness of her employees , she decides to "show em' how its done" and get on the line herself. The thing is, she can't make a sub worth shit! A blind monkey could put together a better sub than her! The meat is all on one side, the vegetables on the other, spilling out of the bread since they were tossed in there with so much haste. She puts the sauce on in such a hurry the sub becomes a soggy mess, and when she cut my sub in half, it wasn't so much two halves as it was one tiny portion (say 1/4) and one big portion. And it wasn't even cut all the way through. This is the person who is constantly correcting the "mistakes" of her employees?! Someday I would love to just flip out and tear a strip off of her, but all I invariably end up doing is giving a sympathetic, "I feel your pain" smile to the poor Subway worker who has the misfortune of being stuck under her tyrannical rule. Here's to hoping someday one of her underlings will find the courage to tell her where to go.

End rant.

You think you have a horrible job? Check these out.

Go Flames Go! Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 19, 2004


Here are a few, as we like to call them in "the industry", hotlinks:

And on the 7th day...
For your earhole

Wow, 3 posts in one day. I wonder how long it'll be before it's 3 posts in one month?

Just testing out this photo uploading thingy. This is Shane McGowan from The Pogues, by the way. Lovely dental work. Posted by Hello

Yakkin' It Up On The Ol' Yak-box

So I bought comedian David Cross' 2002 tour CD, "Shut Up You Fucking Baby", and the tour documentary, "Let America Laugh" on DVD. For anybody who don't know, Mr. Cross was one half of HBO's Mr. Show, and he's a funny guy. He's bald too, so there ya go. Go out now and buy them shits. Thank me later. While you're at it, buy Seasons 1-3 of Mr. Show on DVD also. For reals yo.

For those of you out there who read this blog (hahahahaha) and live in Halifax, or plan to visit Halifax, you should definitely stop by Tom's Little Havana. It's a cigar bar, but they have excellent food (try the Havana Rolls or the Pad Thai), good beer, and the service is fantastic. Tell em Iain sent ya. Word.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Finally reaching my full potential as a nerd...

So I have a blog now. Word up. Let's post some fun links, shall we?

Check it out sucka.
Hey ho, let's go.
Peep this.